It went down that road again.
Somehow, I was expecting it.
But, it's just so hard for me to accept that decision for this particular situation.
You know how much it means to me for you to say yes.

I don't know what to say anymore.

明明知道我好想到那裏去看他，
你爲什麽不讓我去呢？
你知不知道我有多傷心呢？
你知不知道我哭了好幾次了嗎？
你到底知道還是你決定了閉一只眼，假裝你不知道呢？

xx

我好想你。
好想，好想。
希望能在聖誕節那一天遇見你，
也想跟你一起到數2009年最後的十秒。

希望。
我已經盡力想辦法，但是都沒有效果。
難道我的世界裏缺了它嗎？

xx

Feeling so lazy and restless.
Nothing is going to be able to fill that hole in my heart, soul and mind.
Except you.

xx

Teardrops are lining up in my eye, waiting for their turn to drop from my cheek.

Scratch that.

They are down.

My entire soul seems to be missing since the second you are no longer here.
There is nothing in this world that would fill that space in my heart.
You are the only one capable of doing so.

I miss you.

Xoxo.

(Real post starts here)
Haven't been blogging/twittering/facebooking because my laptop sucks.
It's getting super laggy and all.
And I'm getting lazy to even use it.
I'm going to isolate myself from the social life I have.
Hahaha.
I'm sick and tired of some stuff that seems to be repeating no matter where I go.
I'll try to distance myself from those.
But that means I'm going to have to distant myself from everyone.

Okay, will blog again soon.

Just another 4 to 5 hours!
Are you excited?
I AM.

Anyway, I watched Julie & Julia...
I feel like cooking too.
Hahahahaha.

Okay, got to go prepare now! :D
*Mad Excited*

Criminal Minds is so funny.
I mean, Reid is so funny.
Had dinner with uncle and family just now..
Came home to unpack stuff because they are coming over tomorrow.
HAHA.
Taking a break after unpacking 95% of the things.
Going to continue soon.

Heheh, haven't been to Church for a few weeks now!
& it's Sunday tomorrow..
(:
Okay, so many things to do..
Will blog again soon.
But should be missing until Tuesday.
Because I've to be the host together with my sister.
So, sorry!

On the sad-der note....
My dad just bbm-ed me that my brother is sick.
):
How I wish I'm there to take care of him.
Ahhhhhhh. I miss you ah boy.

Just a random picture.

So, I hardly got an hour of nap the day before yesterday.
So last night, I slept at 7ish(pm) on the sofa.
Hahah, my favourite place to fall asleep ever.
Then.. I woke up at 11ish(pm) and moved to the room.
I woke up at like 7ish(am), used my phone until 9 or something.
Decided to move out to the living room again.
I did.
And fell asleep on the sofa again until 2ish(pm).

HAHAHA. 17 hours of sleep right there.

Okay, just finish bathing.
Going to leave the house soon to buy something.
Then it's dinnertime with Kaylie and family.
Exciting? Kinda!
Haven't meet them in a while now.

Okay, byebyebye!

Have been wearing that red coat behind me since Monday.
It's getting cold over here.

I'm was bbm-ing Verna and Janet just now..
Even though they are together now.
Super retarded please. Hahahaha.
Oh they are with Haziqah too!
How I wish I'm there.........

Now, I'm bbm-ing with Haziqah now.
She's using Verna's. Hahaha.
Janet and Verna are busy shopping.
And Haziqah... will never shop.
She's still the same as ever.
Please change to be more feminine my dear :)

I expect to see that change by the time I go back.
And I'm not kidding!

ANYWAY.....

My school is over. It's over.
It's over!
Took my last finals just now.
English. It was pretty okay.
Did I tell you about my Accounting and Math finals?
Hahahaha.

So, the 2nd question for Accounting was to write the statement of Cash Flows from Operating Activites.
That usually takes only half a page for me.
And he gave me 3 blank papers...

I was like, stressing out if I did it correctly.
So, I asked the professor who was watching me do the finals.

She was like, "You seem fine", when she saw my work.
So I was like, okay.

Then Math finals..
He was like, do you have any questions?
I said I didn't...
But I was stuck at 2 questions.
At when I was doing both questions, he came in the Math Division (that was where I was doing my finals) and actually helped me out.
He's so awesome!

And everything that day seemed like was going well for me.
So I hope that means my Accounting will be fine too!

Anyway, it's 130am now.
I just got home half an hour ago.
Played badminton :)
Only played about 30 minutes today because we only booked one court.
And there were 10 of us.
Take turns :)
Then, we had Lu's Garden! This porridge place.
So good. Haven't had rice in 4 days or something.
HAHAHA, major diet.
All thanks to JPoon who said I look chubbier.
Which I totally agree.

I've to stay up to pack my stuff because I'm moving back to my sister's place tomorrow.
And I've to wake up early to clean the place before my sisters arrive.
Which is going to be at 1030am(ish).

I need to do laundry now too.
So, I'm going to change and do laundry straight.
Dirty clothes are piling up.
Not a lot actually hahaha, how many clothes can I wear in 4 days right?

Okay, will blog soon.
Miss you guys xoxo.

I know I said I won't blog until tomorrow or something.
But I don't feel as stressed out anymore so here I am!
Hahahaha.

Moving out of this house in 2 days.
Excited.
But another question is popping out in my mind....
What am I going to do at Marina?
I can gym, that's for sure.
The gym there is so pretty compared to the gym here.
Heheh.

I'm just talking rubbish because I want to blog, but I don't know what to blog about.
10 minutes left.
Before starting on my second essay.
Only editting to be done.
It was insane on Monday night.
I spent 6 hours typing an essay.
Imagine yourself spending 6 hours in front of the computer typing something like a composition for 6 hours.
HAHAHA.
See how different the English class is?

Okay, I better get ready to do it now.
Byebye!

Sorry that this post doesn't have a picture...
Just stopping by to say that I won't be able to blog for 3 days.
2 exams, Accounting and Math, on Wednesday.
And English on Thursday.
After that I promise to blog and with pictures :)
I've a post that's going to have so many pictures that you guys would look at them until you guys are just going to give in by clicking the cross button.

Will blog in 3-4 days' time.
Xoxo.

That's not going to be my face for this week!
Not going to have so much sleep for today and tomorrow.
Essays.
I hate them.
So, my list of things to do for tomorrow has 8 items on it.
And it's not things as simple as....
Don't fall asleep while doing essay.
HAHA, what the hell of an example is that.

Okay, it's 217am now.
Going to edit my essay for the 2nd time, and start on my other essay until probably 3 latest.
Have to wake up at like 8 tomorrow, and leave home by 930.
Going to spend the entire day at the school library to do the second essay.
930am to 930pm.
HAHA, the end of class is 930pm tomorrow.
Wow...

Okay, bye!

The two girls who always make my day.
For 4 years of my life.
You two can never be replaced okay.

Yeah, I know I've Alyssa and Michelle too.
But you two are as important as they are to me.

I know it's all different now since I'm over here.
16 hours time difference.
Another place that is on the other side of the Earth.

I miss you guys like keeeraaaaazeeeee.
I open Facebook, see my photos, and think back of the times that we are together.
Whining and whining non stop in the middle of night..
Sms or call or something.
Any form of communication..

I've so much to say.
I've so much to complain.
All of the things that's happening now.
We better skype soon okay.
We can skype the whole night and all okay.

I miss you two!!
Nurul Haziqah & Verna Sukiat.
Love you both (:

The two that I will always cherish.


Our so many attempts to get the perfect shot of us jumping...
And this being so funny because of our height in the photo and Haziqah's position.

Love you two :)

Speechless.

First photo is the first photo I uploaded in Facebook that has my face in it.
Second is the last photo that has me in it.

LOOK AT MY FACE.

Fatter and more pimples.

I hate myself.

Even though it's not my birthday.
I'm praying, wishing, and hoping that everything will turn out fine.
I don't want to be involved anymore.
The feeling that I have inside of me...
It's like, the feeling of just wanting to disappear.
Just to vanish into thin air.

I have such a strong feeling of wanting to cry right now.
But I'm telling myself not to, because it's not really my problem.
But I'm the middle person again.
Things were so awkward just now.
I don't know what to do anymore, because I'm already doing all that I can.
The rest, the decision ultimately lies with you.

I just hope that 7-10 days passes as quickly as possible.
Because then, I'd be no longer in the midst of this problem.

I'm not going to side anyone.
I'm going to stay friends with both sides.
It's not possible for me to not stay neutral because technically, both are in the wrong.
And the worst thing is that, both are stubborn.
Both won't initiate a conversation with each other.

God, please guide me.
Tell me what I should do, to make things right.
I'm clueless on the things that I can do for them anymore.
The things that they are doing right now, are just worsening things between them.
What can I do?

I'm so frustrated.
So annoyed.
So angry, and yet relieved because I've finally talked to one side and I'm going to talk to the other tomorrow.
Starting from tomorrow, I'll no longer be in the picture.
Never.
I'll let nature do its work.
I'm going to back off, study for finals, and enjoy the time that I'm going to have after finals.

That's my plan.

Can you tell what I'm so much fatter now?
Even though I lost the weight..
I look fatter because my face is rounder.
AND, I've millions of pimples now.
See? That's what I mean by flawless skin! (the picture)
Yeah, how annoying right!
I'm so pissed.
I'm going to be anorexic. HAHA.

The person who I miss most for the 5 months that I've been here is...
No other than my brother.
I know he's going to be pissed because I'm uploading that photo..
But.. I don't care.
I miss you ahboy.. ):
Skype with you soon okay.

Going to lose the weight ASAP.
I bet that I lost all the weight when I was fasting pork for some Church thing.
So now.. I'm fasting pork AND red meat.
Trying to.
Haven't had pork and red meat for 4-5 days now.
I'll lose the weight!
Yeap, I definitely will.

Here I come skinny-me-that-I-was-once-before!
Xoxo!

Let's go New York again.

Why don't we travel around the world together?
Capturing all those wonderful memories with a touch of a button.
The thing a camera can do is just so spectacular.

A lifetime is so short, but we do not realise that.
We always procrastinate to do anything and everything.
I'm going to stop doing so and treasure every second of my life.

Everyone around me is so precious to me.
Without you, how could I have been the person I am today?
I don't really know show how I care about you, but I do.
People won't realise how important their friends are until they are gone.
Yeah, that is so definitely true.
Since we have this sentence in our life now, why don't we have the initiative to do something about it, to prevent ourselves to lose someone that you care about.
Prevent them from slipping away.

It's not too late to cherish every single person in your life now.
Whenever there is a problem between your friends, it doesn't matter if you're involved or you aren't.
You should remind them, or yourself, that by fixing the problem as soon as possible, it will certainly help a lot.
If you don't, problems are just going to pile until the height of the sky.
When you've a tiny grudge against someone, you'll tend to pay attention to every single detail of what he/she does.
Not the good details however.
You'll focus more on what actions that he/she is doing that you hate.
To make yourself hate him/her more.

Show how much you care for your friends today, tomorrow and every day for the rest of your lives.
Those are the people who are going to stand by you, be with you for the remaining years, decades for that I'm sure, in your life.

Back to topic.
Let's go New York again.

Why don't we travel around the world together?
Capturing all those wonderful memories with a touch of a button.
The thing a camera can do is just so spectacular.

Xoxo.

I'm going to move out of this house is 9 - 10 days!
Going to have to stay at a friend's house on Sunday though.
The following Sunday, not the upcoming one.
Because I've my Accounting finals at 315pm.
And sisters have work and school respectively.
Probably getting dajie to fetch me from Pasadena back after her work.
And then it's officially goodbye Pasadena and hello Marina del Rey!
I'm going to be with my dearest sisters!
Exciting, happy, exciting, wait, didn't I already typed exciting?
More cooking and baking will be happening at Marina del Rey.
Psyched!

Thinking of how to.........
Janet, Tracy, you should know what I am talking about.
Hahahahah.
Tracy, please come back from your cruise now.
Haven't bbm you for so long.

The people who went to Big Bear.
That's not even everyone!
There are others who we met after visiting the Alpine Slide :D

I want to have a road trip.
Or just a simple trip out of LA with my friends, without having them complaining about the price because that is what you have to face living in the US in the first place.
And it's not like it's USD200 for a single day.
And it's only once in a year or something.
PLUS, I'm already leaving Pasadena for Marina del Rey.
You know what, I'll have a trip with the west kids.
Hahahah, hopefully I can!
But that doesn't mean that I don't wish to have a trip with you guys at all.

Okay.
I'm such a dumbooooo.
I forgot my password for my online bank account.
So I've to go down to the Bank tomorrow (it's only across the street) and ask them to fix it.
Also, I've to do a Cashier's Order to pay the rent for the last 10 days.
Busy bee.

Tomorrow, go to the Leasing Office to ask the amount I have to pay for the remaining 10 days.
Go to the bank, fix my online account and do the Cashier's Order.
Walk back to the Leasing Office, drop the Cashier's Order.
Go up to home, pack my stuff.
Go to my friend's house, drop my things off. (Staying over)
Maybe chill over there for a while.
Then walk to school for classes.
Classes end at 930pm.
Walk to friend's house.

Super busy day tomorrow!
But going to be fun at night because there's going to be a small gathering.
Awesomecakes.

I want to go back home ):

Okay, I'm so disappointed in myself for my results for this semester.
I'm not used to the grading system here where...
A = 90, B = 80, C = 70.
It's just totally insane.
I'm going to work my ass off and study hard when I transfer to SMC.

Okay, on the brighter note!
I've decided to blog put a picture for every entry I post.
Is that a good idea?
Hahaha.
I'm watching Andrew Zimmern right now, after finishing my English homework.
Watched Anthony Bourdain just now.
I feel like travelling around the world now.
Like, going to Japan to taste the authenticity of the ramen, sushi and stuf like that.
Going to Korea to taste the real kimchi and the stews.
And the list goes on.

I'm going to believe in Faith and believe in myself from now on.
Doing my very best to pull my grades up.
To work towards my one and only dream that is just so far away now.

A shoutout before I go..
Happy Birthday my dearest Su Jialin.
I know you're down because you're not with your family and it's the first birthday overseas.
But I believe you can still spend it with joy and laughter while being surrounded with all the warmth from the messages that your friends are sending to you, through facebook, text or any form of communication.
I hope I made you smile when I called you just now!
Even though I haven't seen you for 10 almost 11 months now, and that we hardly talk to each other..
But you're still someone who I treasure as a very good friend of mine.
Spend your 17th birthday wisely my dear.
I'll bake for you, whatever you want, the next time I see you okay.
And, I'll try my best to visit you whenever I can.
I miss you Sujia.
Love you! Xoxo.

I'm going to sleep now.
Major headache.
Picture for today:
(I think I look nice in this picture. Hahaha, I'm so thick-skinned.. Getting more and more thick-skinned here. But seriously, I don't look fat that's why I think it's nice!)

Goodnight all.
Xoxoxoxo <3

So, I'm uploading 17 pictures.
They are in random order, kind of.
These are all taken by my new friend, hahaha.
Except for the last photo, it was taken by the Pastor.

The reason on why I'm actually uploading pictures is because I don't wish to lose my loyal readers who I assume are all getting sick and tired of reading super long and wordy posts that I usually post and stuff like that.
:D
& it's to make my blog more interesting of course.
And I just miss blogging with pictures somehow.

It's only 11 days until 11th of December.
Which is the day I'm moving out!
Actually I can move out on the 1oth, because that's a Thursday and that's the last day for my class for the week.
And that's when I'm going to take my English final exam!
And probably Saturday's Math final exam..
And Monday's Accounting final exam!
And then it's freedom, until February 16, the first day of school at SMC.
I can't wait actually.
So interesting, so exciting.
What could bring me down, knowing that I'm going to stay with my sisters, be closer to the west kids especially Stephanie Mualim!!
Okay, probably the fact that I'm going to leave my friends, those that I made in PCC is the only thing that will bring me down..

Okay, back to topic!
Big Bear photos, 17 of them here, the rest are all in Facebook.
I've uploaded my share, my friends are all uploading theirs one by one..
So far, my friend and the Pastor have uploaded theirs.
I think.
Anyway, enjoy the 16 black & white photos, and the one and only coloured photo below.
Will blog again soon guys!
Xoxo.

Helloooooo.
I've been back from Big Bear.
I didn't blog because I don't have my laptop and was using my sister's Mac..
Then I realised there's the other HP laptop.

So, Big Bear was partly disappointing because it wasn't snowing.
But it was 2 days of just pure joy and awesomeness.
First day, we left at about 745 or 8am.
Had breakfast at Jack-In-The-Box halfway through our ride.
And when we arrived at Big Bear...
We went to the Alpine Slide at the Magic Mountain.
Played something like the Luge in Sentosa.
Hahah, it's pretty fun!
After that, we stopped at JITB again to meet the others.
Walked around the village.
So adorable! All of the houses were so village-ish.
Hahaha. We had the most awesome Gelato that we've ever tasted.
Seriously. We ate so much of it in two days...
Okay, probably just Stephie & I.
Next stop was this lake, the view was just so spectacular.
Last stop was our lodge.
It was like a big house that has 15 rooms and a function room.
Walked around the whole lodging village and took photos.
Then, we went for dinner at 5pm.
Thanksgiving dinner! It was pretty good I must say.
Then, we went back to the lodge, chilled for a while.
Bon fire was next!
Then went back, cleaned up, and prepared to surprise a friend because it was his birthday.
But at 1150pm, he disappeared.
HAHA, he knew we were planning something that's why he ran.
When we were setting the things up, he appeared so all of us sang happy birthday, totally unprepared.
After that it was the girls' gossiping session for about an hour plus.
And it was sleeping time!

Day 2 started at 9am.
Checked out, went to check out the Marina, too cold for all of us so we didn't go on the boat.
Plus it was expensive.
Went back to the Alpine Slide but played the Snow Cube thing instead of the Luge thing.
I didn't play, another 4 friends didn't play.
Those 4 friends were my new made friends.
Apparently one of them, a Thai, is Supanan's close friend!
How small can the world get? Seriouslyyyyy.
Stayed over there until almost 1pm.
Ate lunch, all of us were so hungry that no one took photos.
After that, it was the tiring ride back to LA.
(Thank you so much Fel, for driving us to and fro.)
Stopped a lot of times when we were on the route down the mountain.
Just to take pictures with the awesome views!

Today, I baked a cake.
Yay, so happy that I did bake something after such a long time!
Went to eat at a Vietnamese restaurant and had boba after that...

Pictures are all up on Facebook.
http://www.facebook.com/carolinefebrianty?ref=profile
There are still hundreds of pictures with other people.
So look out for them :)

It's 8 minutes to 4am!
And I've to wake up at 10am.
Good job, Caroline.
Goodnight y'all.
Xoxoxo.

I have a facial mask on my face while doing this post.
Getting really sleepy but I've to start studying for tomorrow Accounting test again.
I better be up by 10am tomorrow.
I'll try to go to the bank to do something.
And send my application and stuff like that.

So, something happened.
Yeah, friendship stuff, again.
I'm being the "middleman", again.
I'm super sick and tired of this kind of thing happening.
I wanted to just start whining and ranting about everything to the usual suspects:
Haziqah, Jerevien, Jialin, Lizhen, Tracy, Verna... & of course, Leonard.

This is the first time when I've no clue, no direction on who to turn to.
I miss you guys like hell.
No more random texting about what's going on.
No more calling you guys, rarely though, to start whining about things.
Even if I wanted to tell you guys through MSN, the time difference isn't allowing that simple task to be an actual simple task.

I miss the school days where we:
have recess together,
hangout after class together,
go to the market to eat together,
get snacks from the mama shop together.
do stupid random stuff during break or after school together.

I still remember how you'd carry my stuff whenever I just look up and smile, giving you the little hint that my bag is heavy.
Or when I start whining.
Or when I go... "Are you nice?"
Even the slightest hint I give you, you're able to catch it and understand me.
You're always there for me when I need someone to talk to.
You don't stop me from snatching your watch at the start of a school day, or snatching your pencil case at random times even though you hate it sometimes...
Especially when I do that everyday.
You let me say whatever stuff I want to when I'm angry.
You always ask me to mind my language whenever I cuss.
I can list everything that you do that makes me smile, because you show that you really care.
Yeah, you're a nice guy to everyone, I know that.
But to me, you're still the best guy friend that I can ever know.
All that I'm saying is that, you're a true friend that I really treasure and I'll never forget you.
I'll continue whining to you online and snatch your watch away whenever we meet up :)
Thank you for always being there.. I'm sure you know who you are.

I miss the Saturdays where Haziqah, Verna and I will go out.
Most of the time eating Yoshinoya because that is what Verna only eat..
I miss how Haziqah will repeat a story to the both of us like a gazillion times.
And how Verna will be a little annoyed and I will give her the face.
I miss that day, the day before Maths O Level when the two of them appeared at my house in the evening for me to teach them a few maths problems.
Remember the movie "Role Model" or something like that, Haziqah?
You made all of our day since we spent the remaining time together making fun of you.
I miss how I'll just show up during a 4F gathering even though I'm not a part of the class.
I miss all the moments that we had together.

I want to go back.
And just spend all the time I can with you guys.
We'll take a million pictures so that I can keep them in my room.
I miss all of you so much.
I just hope that I can be back soon.