There is no word to describe how tired I feel right now.
I'm currently at music practice and I just feel like sleeping on the sofa outside.
My eyes are so dry from my contacts and I cant really open them anymore.
I think I will fall asleep on the way back home from here.

I am currently going deaf by the way..

My brother just called me just now, out of the blue, and somehow when he called, I looked at my silent-mode phone.
Talked to him for a bit and told him that music practice was going to start soon so I got to go..
And he was so cute..

"Sister, sister. I love you, I love you."
"Aw, I love you tooooo."
"Sister, sister, I miss you."
"Aw, I miss you tooooo."

I miss my little brother so much.
He's the one person who can make me feel so happy and annoyed at the same time.
I really hoped that he could come over with Mommy and Daddy and my two sisters who would have gone back for-good by then.
But, no they can't come because my Daddy has to work and my ahboy is going to be busy with remedials in order to prepare for his Olevels next year..

I guess it's okay because I'll have my friends here to spend my Christmas and New Year's Eve and New Year with!
But deep inside, I will still feel that emptiness for being the only one away from the family, for being the last piece to the almost-completed puzzle or rather family potrait..

The "audiences" for today's music practice are those who I do not really know, so I'm kinda lost on whether I should converse with them, or not..

I am going to stop now because I am going to try to listen and figure out what songs are they singing and feel His presence right hete, right now..
Goodnight in advanced lovelies.
With loads of love,
Caroline, xoxo.

I just want to take this chance to thank God.

Even though I know that I'm still feeling really guilty, annoyed, and angry inside.

I realize that without You, I would have been in a worse situation.

Thank You for looking over me.

Ensuring that my sister and I would be fine.

I know that I've to count my blessings, instead of the opposite.

I am just so grateful.

Even though it's going to eat me up inside for a few days, I know that I will always count my blessings and keep this in my mind, and look out more carefully in the future.

Also, I just want to thank my friends who were there for me.

From wanting to meet me straight after it happened, to get offers to send me to school tomorrow and also to send me home after school tomorrow, and to simply to just being there for me.

Thank you for the gestures of showing your concern.

Receiving a few BBMs and calls asking if I'm okay.

That means the whole world to me.

Alfred, Ferdy, Patricia, StephanieT and my dearest sister, Steph..

Thank you for offering to send me to school, just because I said I don't feel like driving for a while now.

:)

Learn from me, listen to me.

NEVER forget to count your blessings.

Don't look at your misfortune and think of the worst-case scenarios that could happen or start wondering why things happened to you.

Be thankful because the worse things didn't happen.

Never forget that God is always looking out for you.

He is always with you and He'll make sure that you're safe.

Goodnight lovelies.

Xoxo.

Ah, the post is finally done.

& I'm finally home.

It's 1am btw people.

I've my 815 class tomorrow.

& I've to wake up at 645am.

Which is in 5 hours and 25 minutes :/

I need to sleep soon.

I know I didn't eat a lot today.

In fact, I ate very little today..

I know I should eat more, but I really am in the not-eating mood today.

I'll try to go back to me before today, and to eat more tomorrow :)

Even though my normal portion is already small..

Doesn't that just makes you wonder what on Earth did I eat today?

It's a secret.

Hahaha, if you guys knew, you would stuff me with food all week long and make me fat.

Okay, time to sleep now.

Goodnight lovelies.

Xoxo.

Love is like the wind. You can't see it but you can feel it.

That's like God's love to us.

You can't see it, but you can feel it.

That is how it works.

And we should always never forget the love He has for us.

Had a very "wise-y" moment with Ayumi and Elius on Saturday.

A few points made but I honestly can't remember every single little detail of whatever we said.

Summary:

We are all special in God's eyes.

First,

During POP, for the fact that He wants us to do something, to pay for something small with our lives, it just simply means that He loves us so much as he chose us out of the billions of people in this world.

I know that you might think "Hey, that is what everyone thinks, so doesn't that contradicts itself? I mean, how could every individual think the exact same thing? Feeling that we are that unique and special?"

We can't use logic to answer that question.

We used two different analogies.

Firstly, it's where people are like stars.

There are millions and billions of stars out there.

Imagine that each one of that represents each individual in this Universe.

No matter how many there are, every one of them are still shining with their own unique characteristic.

& Secondly, pretend that each one of us are like cars.

I could be a sports car, you could be a bus or an SUV.

You can't expect yourself to win in every category even if you're the most expensive or good-looking car and stuff like that.

Example, in a race, there is no way that a bus or an SUV can beat a sports car.

But in a race going up a mountain or just simply having a ride uphill, the only car that can do that in this particular example is only the SUV.

Lastly, in terms of capacity, a bus can definitely squeeze a lot more people compared to the other two.

In conclusion, we are all special in our own way.

We can't expect us to be number one at every single thing because that is just not going to happen.

No matter how much you pray or wish for it to be true.

God created every one of us to be different from one another.

There is no way that we can be champions in every single competition that we sign up for.

That is just not how life works.

Second,

When there's good, there's bad.

When there's right, there's wrong.

When there's up, there's down.

When there's rich, there's poor.

Hence, when there's God, there's Devil.

Otherwise, how would we know how to categorize people?

There is no way to prove to others that you are good when there's no one bad in this world to be in the contrast of yourself.

We are in the system but we are not of the system.

You can't expect to have all the good in this world.

If everyone is good, then everyone would be "equal", no?

With no comparison, there is just simply no difference in everything.

And that makes life mundane, doesn't it?

My point is that, if people all over the world believe in the Devil, why can't they believe that there's a God too?

Or rather, why can't they accept the fact that they have the mentality that God does exist too?

If there isn't a God who exists, a Devil wouldn't be seen as the Devil too.

Because we need to see the two extreme ends before actually believing in something.

And by believing one thing, people see you immediately as someone who believe in that other thing that is placed at the other side.

People do not realize it but their heart and mind has accepted the fact that God is real.

And that is not to be forgotten by any one of us.

God IS real.

Never forget this.

Third,

"God created the Heaven and the Earth."

Galaxy: (from wikipedia)

A galaxy is a massive, gravitationally bound system that consists of stars and stellar remnants, an interstellar medium of gas dust, and an important but poorly understood component tentatively dubbed dark matter. The Sun is one of the stars in the Milky Way galaxy; the Solar System includes the Earth and all the other objects that orbit the Sun. There are probably more than 170 billion (1.7 × 10¹¹) galaxies in the observable universe.

Universe: (from wikipedia)

The universe is commonly defined as the totality of everything that exists,^[1] including all physical matter and energy, the planets, stars, galaxies, and the contents of intergalactic space.

Now since you know how crazy huge this universe is, is it just so unimaginable to see the whole universe?

And to know that there is only one place in the whole universe where lives exist is where you and I are, doesn't that blow your mind away?

To know that God created the Heaven and Earth for all of us, don't you feel thankful, grateful and blessed that you are here right now?

That you are where you are?

How can we believe in that?

That God created the Heaven and the Earth?

And most importantly, how do we even know that God exists?

That is where, my friend, faith takes it place.

Even to those who believe in God, how much do you really trust in Him?

How true can you stay to Him?

We are so loved by God as we have the chance to live on Earth.

Doesn't that prove to you how much He loves us and how special we are to Him?

I don't think I'm making any sense right now.

So I'm going to put two quotes from my friends.

Just like the way we cannot comprehend the vast size of the universe, that is how we cannot comprehend the fullness of God. THIS is where FAITH plays its role in our lives.

- Elius Pribadi

Faith is to believe what we do not see and the reward of that is to see what we believe in.

- Wilson Hasan

I know that these are not the only things that we talked about.

I'll try to recall and share them with you guys as soon as I remember them.

Til then, try to digest these information.

These are not easy, simple things for you to understand.

It may seem like they are, but are they really?

Studying at LMU now.

I only did half a section on Chain Rule for derivatives and I'm bored so I just stopped for a moment.

I think trigonometry really puts me off cause since trigonometry appeared in the question, I started to get lazy :p

And so, I'm taking a break now by blogging :D

I feel like continuing my post but I don't know I stopped so I don't know where to continue.

What a retarded thing right?

I ate so little today, even I am shocked and scared of myself :/

I feel like sleeping.

I'm feeling so tired :(

Shall write that post now, bye!

RT @TheLoveStories: God wouldn't give you anything He knew you couldn't handle. So when times get rough, remember you'll get through it.#TLS

I just want to say something to those of you I've drifted away from as a good friend, a friend or even an acquaintance.

No matter how much we do not talk anymore, there is no doubt that I still think of you once in a while.

For the fact is that you were once an important person to me, or still are.

And I treasure you because you're a part of my circle of friends.

I thank you for being there for me, be it in the past, present or even in the future

I have to tell those of you, who I quarreled or argued with, something that comes from deep within me.

You know how people hate each other for some things that happened between them and all of that stuff?

Don't worry, I don't hate you and I never did.

Instead, I wish to have the opportunity to thank you.

For the things that happened between us made me a better and stronger person, made me look at things differently and allowing me to realize who are my real and true friends.

No hard feelings, I forgive you for everything.

♥

My right foot hurts so bad.

I walked from the car to the lobby and upstairs barefooted.

My 5" heels is the killer shoes.

Don't mess with it.

xx

Had such a long day in school today.

After school, it was time to go home and prepare for dinner.

It was just such perfect timing because by the time I'm done dressing up, it was time to go.

Dinner was not that bad overall.

A lot of photo taking session - as usual and typical for us Indonesians.

We were making a lot of noise I think, but it was really fun.

Happy Birthday Jennieeeee ♥

I'm still editing my other post :/

My bad, guys!

I'll post it as soon as I'm done with it, give me a day or two..

This week is going to be so hectic.

Sorry lovelies.

I'm going to wash up and sleep as soon as I am in my PJs, specs and retainers.

It's time to get my sleep..

Finally it's bedtime.

Goodnight lovelies.

Xoxo.

I hate how I'm starting to have irrelevant and unnecessary thoughts in my head. I know it's the words of the Devil. I'm trying to block them out, but I'm afraid I don't have the power and strength to do so.

I'm going to pray immediately after I get into my PJs.

It's time to shake things off.

And to see things in a different perspective.

Goodnight.

Xoxo.

A complex post, or rather a post that will really make you think if you understand certain things and stuff like that, was supposed to be posted tonight.

But it's not completed and it's already 137am.

I've to bathe and head to bed because I've an 815am class tomorrow, or rather later.

Goodnight lovelies.

Xoxo.

Church today.

I finally met up with so many people that I haven't seen for months...

1) Alyssa Victoria Adisasmita,

2) Kartika Tantra,

3) Steven Chuang.

And also the three people who I met at Mitsuwa,

4) Grace,

5) Mikka,

6) Mingming.

How long have I not seen them and how much I missed them.

Especially Kartika Tantra!!

I haven't seen her since just forever.

And even because of the long separation, we are still as lame and retarded as ever :p

After lunch, all of us, which is like more than 10 of us, decided to come to Hebron's and Elius's place to study and do homework.

I completed my Chemistry homework in the first 30 minutes of being at their place.

And I did 2 questions of Math before I decided to stop doing because I'm just too tired...

Or rather too lazy.

Going for dinner later and I am dreading for school to start tomorrow.

:(

We're chilling at Hebron's and Elius's place now.

It's so boring.

And eating popcorn and snacks is just making my throat condition.

:/

Thinking of what to engrave for the iPod I'm going to get.

Decided to put a Bible verse on it.

I think I want something about either...

Love, faith, friendship/relationship and trust.

Either one of that would be good.

I can't wait for tomorrow.

Church, lunch, chilling and going to Malibu to take pictures of the sunset.

How awesome is that?

My camera will finally be used after a long time.

Time to put out my charger and charge my battery.

And after that, to put my battery and memory card in my camera.

& to place my camera, lens and stuff in my bag.

Woopeedoo :)

I Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I just killed a moth.

And I'm feeling so guilty over it.

I'm sorry for killing you.

Forgive me ):

I'm sleepy, tired and just want to sleep right now.

But I'm going to take some time to blog about what I had in my mind earlier on.

When Bryan said that he couldn't do a single pull up last time, I thought about myself too.

And I had the same experience.

Back in April, I was the type of person who always said to myself that I couldn't do this and that and I will never be able to do whatever that thing was.

It started to change.

It being my mindset.

When I just entered Taekwondo, the master wanted to see our flexibility and strength.

One of the required things that he wanted us to do was to do a certain number of push up.

The moment he said that, without thinking it through, I blurted "I don't want to. I can't do a single push up. I have never did a proper push up and I just can't."

When my master heard that, he told me straight that I can't because I have had that mindset in my mind all along.

And he made me do the number of push ups he wanted.

I did.

Now, I can do more than 30 easily.

I know that they are not perfect but hey, from zero to a few tens?

That's an achievement.

And I'm proud of myself.

& I want to thank my master for changing my mindset and the way I look at a challenge in front of me.

From that moment onwards, I looked at things and life differently.

Maybe we just need to see every thing in different views/perspectives.

Also, we have to start from deep within us.

Our subconscious, our mind, our thoughts, and our hearts.

If you feel that you are not capable of doing something.

There is no chance that you will succeed in it.

Even if you could, you wouldn't.

If you start thinking..

"Hey, it's not that hard.",

"It's worth a try.",

"Maybe I'll achieve something.",

"Who knows that I can do it?",

"How would I know if I can or can't do something without trying it out?"

"No pain, no gain right?"

If you can have these little questions and encouragement for yourself, you would see how great you are at things that you are new to.

We are growing every day, every hour, every minute and second.

Discovering our talents within us is not a surprise.

But before actually realizing what we have in us, we need to take that first step.

The truth is that people are just afraid to do things that they are unfamiliar with.

I don't lie, I am like that too.

Everyone of us are.

But sometimes we just need to get out of that shell and try something new.

By doing so, we would receive something so special inside that nothing can describe it.

Like Jenny said..

If he/she can do so, I can do so too.

Just want to share 2 verses that I really liked from today's session.

Job 3:25 For what I fear comes upon me, and what I dread befalls me.

Maybe we shouldn't fear for every little thing that comes our way.

Maybe we should be strong and face it and deal with it.

Also,

Matthew 6:22-23 The eye is the lamp of the body; so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness.

Just wanted to share a little something.

And this is it.

I don't know if it makes sense to you, you or you.

I sincerely hope that it does, but if it doesn't..

I'll be glad to explain what I mean.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Goodnight and don't forget to pray.

God bless.

Xoxo.

Start your day with a smile and a heart filled with nothing but positive thoughts, love and warmth.

You'll find that you'll be happier and enjoying your day much much more.

Don't get off your bed with the wrong foot, wrong mindset, or negative thoughts in your head.

You wouldn't want to be sad, annoyed, pissed or anything throughout the day, do you?

I'm sure you don't want that.

These two days started just incredibly.

And I hope your day starts just as awesome as mine did.

For all you people out there who are already having a great day, good job to you.

But for the others, don't worry.

Try to make tomorrow a better day.

It will be a better day.

Have a wonderful and blessed day ahead of you lovelies.

Xoxo.

Hebron Pribadi....

HELLO!!

HAHAHA.

Goodnight.

:p

STEPHANIE TANUBRATAAAAAA.

Hello :)

Goodnight babe.

Hahahahahahahahaha.

A super duper quick post.

School, lunch, school, dinner, music practice.

5 items to summarize my day.

Didn't really wanted to go for music practice because I'm pretty worn out..

Since I woke up at 6ish in the morning..

But I went anyway.

And I got home at 1plus am.

Dudes and dudettes, I've officially turned into a panda.

Pat said something during the music practice.

And it made me realize two things:

I find myself doubting myself even though people tell me good things about me.

I find myself telling others that they are wrong and that I'm just the complete opposite of what they say of me.

Oh well, long story.

I might tell you if you ask me.

But I'll just not say it otherwise.

:p

Okay, time to sleep.

2am now.

Goodnight lovelies!

Xoxo.

I know and I don't deny the fact that I'm not the same as before.

For you, you may think that I've become more religious.

To me, it's just that I'm getting realizing and appreciating my relationship with God.

Christianity is just not a religion.

To every single Christians out there, or whoever it may be who believes in God, it is a relationship with Him.

I said in my prayer at Wilson's the other day.

Praying that He would watch over Wilson and his new place, ensuring that Wilson is coming home to an actual home and not a "rented place" because we know that He is there, and for the fact that He is our Father, it IS home.

I just want to say that I think that applies to everyone of us.

It doesn't matter where we are, we are always home.

Because we know for sure that God is always in our mind, heart and thoughts, allowing every single place we go to to have that little sense of home.

I really am starting to get used to being in LA.

I know sometimes I will feel homesick.

Missing Daddy, Mommy and ahboy.

Missing my relatives and friends.

And soon enough, I'll have to add my two sisters in "the people I miss" list.

I just want to thank Him for allowing me to get to know such great friends here.

There's no doubt that He placed me in these groups of friends with a plan in mind.

There's always a reason for everything.

And I trust in Him.

I trust in You, Father.

Maybe my change this time is not a bad thing.

I know that you might say I'm distancing myself from you or from others.

We'll prevent that from happening.

Let's make the effort to meet up once in a while.

You know that I wouldn't want to lose you as my friend.

Don't worry so much okay.

xx

Watched "You Again" earlier in the evening.

I cried a total of 3 times watching it.

I feel like I'm getting back to the old "crybaby" me.

Hahaha, nah, I hope not..

Anyway, that show is really good.

Everyone should catch it.

Even the guys.

No matter how chick-flick you think the movie is, you still have to watch it either way.

I even got to learn some things from it.

:)

Going to shower and do a little work before entering my dreamland.

Goodnight in advanced, lovelies.

Xoxo.

I feel like I've just disappointed a million people, including myself with my previous posts.

I'm sorry.

I know these might be the words of the Devil.

I just can't help it but to feel this way...

I don't want to feel left out at that "event" because of the fact that I know that I am certainly the only one who do not know the exact contents of The Bible and that I am the only one who is a "new" believer. I am, truthfully, scared to go because of that very fact that I stated above. I don't know what to do now.

Dilemma.

HELLOOOOOO.

:p

Just got home from studying :/

I need to sleep.

It's 1am, well in 5 minutes.

xx

Thinking if I should go ahead and do it.

But I just feel like I'm not worthy enough.

:(

Shall sleep on it.

Goodnight lovelies.

Xoxo.

Yesterday.

Church, was early for it for the first time.

Hahaha.

Somehow, I was freezing cold after sermon ended.

It was so odd because it wasn't that cold inside.

Eek.

Just wanted to say..

I don't know what was it, but I felt something in me when the whole church, including myself, was singing "MengenalMu".

There was this thing that I sense.

And somehow, singing that song, made me tear.

I teared, in church.

Every single time I feel what I felt at that time, I would tear.

And it seems like it's been happening a lot.

& most, or rather all of the time, it's during the time where the church or care group is just singing, praising and worshipping God.

I believe that it's just not something in me that's setting that feeling off.

I trust that it's something more than that.

Don't you?

xx

Went to Ord after that, I know I shouldn't have ordered the Crispy Pork because of my throat, but too bad hahaha.

I had it in the end.

Was contemplating on whether I should go for badminton last night, and when Ame told me she was going, I was like, okay I've a friend so I went.

Turns out she decided not to go because it was too far.

But it was fine.

I was a great time last night.

FINALLY knowing how to serve correctly :p

I felt like a hindrance throughout the set because I had to be taught about the rules and the way to hold the racket and stuff along the way.

I'm sorry :/

After the set, Alfred made me do some training.

Seriously.

Running front, back, left and right.

It was tiring, and I felt dizzy for a while.

You know, the kind of feeling that you have before you actually blackout or faint.

Hahaha.

But, it was fun overall.

I'm glad I went for badminton :)

They decided to eat after that, oh defeating the purpose of exercising..

And so we went to Jazzcat.

First time there and it was just okay to me.

The popcorn chicken is good though.

Came home at like 1..

And I went to bathe even though it is so ridiculously late.

I actually hairdry-ed my hair yesterday.

10 minutes spent on doing so and I gave up.

So I slept with my hair a little wet :p

At least I didn't sleep with it dripping wet right?

:D

Today.

HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT.

That kinda summarizes how everyone in LA feels today.

It's 37C at my place.

And 45C at the East.

:/

This is worse than Indonesia and Singapore.

Plus it's not humid here.

Can you imagine?

I guess not.

I got reminded of something last night.

For this year's Christmas and New Year's Eve and New Year...

I'll be all alone here.

:(

Parents and siblings are not coming over because daddy has to work and ahboy has remedials.

How sucky would that be.

I'm going to shower and drown myself in songs.

Xoxo.

Another first-time that I can check off my list.

Face was as red as a tomato I bet with you.

But.. It was good :)

I just want to wash up and jump on my bed (not literally) and just sleep for the next 8 hours, 15 minutes before waking up for Church :)

Goodnight lovelies.

Xoxo.

"God himself needs us in relationship and if God should need us for relationship then surely we need God and each other."

- JJ Dewey

"Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling."
— Margaret Lee Runbeck

"Silence make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying, but the never needing to say that counts."

- Margaret Lee Runbeck

I know I said I won't blog.

But I just have got to say something.

The movie "Devil", it certainly had one purpose, which was to teach us that God is real, He is so real.

A quote from the movie was that if Devil is real, so is God.

It undoubtedly left me thinking one thing.

Why is it so that so many people in this world believe in the Devil but not in God?

Also, you have to realize that some things that you do are wrong.

And sometimes we have to forgive others who have some wrongdoings.

Just want to voice my opinion on today's care group.

Personally, it was slightly complex to me.

Or maybe it's because my brain was slightly not working right.

And I couldn't process the informations that Jun was sharing with all of us.

One part of the sharing session really made me cry a little inside me.

The small talk about poverty and how fortunate we all really are.

People always seem to think that their problems are so huge that it's almost like it's the end of the world.

But do they realize how small their problems are compared to those who are suffering with much bigger situations in their hands?

Ever heard of "I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man that had no feet."?

That to me, applies really well in the thing that I want to talk about.

I really thought back to 3 years ago.

Manjusri's overseas trip to Cambodia.

All of the feelings that I felt back there all rushed into me once again.

The main thing that I felt was the sadness that I had in me back then.

I really have a feeling that one of the reason why I don't really dare to shop that much is because I have seen people who have nothing right in front of me.

I just feel so blessed that I have the things that I have in my life right now.

Everyone should understand how many people in this world are living with so little things compared to us.

$1 a day.

That's what a whole lot of the world's population is surviving on.

Can you imagine?

Truthfully, I can't.

I'm not going to lie.

I'm sure you can't too.

I just want to tell you how important it is to treasure everything that you have/own.

And to always, ALWAYS, count your blessings.

Know that you are blessed.

Be grateful.

Be thankful.

The other point is about how real God is.

Never forget that, because it is such an important fact that people often forget or neglect to accept it as the truth.

xx

Heading to bed with my whole heart feeling so loved, blessed, thankful, grateful and fortunate for everything.

And you guys should too.

I wish all of you a very good night.

And I won't forget to pray, and you should not too (:

Xoxo.

Because of Pat, the song "Count On Me" by Bruno Mars is stuck in my head.

The chorus of the song:

You can count on me like 1 2 3
I'll be there
And I know when I need it I can count on you like 4 3 2
And you'll be there
Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah

I think Bruno Mars's song is really filled with meanings.

Unlike most of the songs that are out in the industry now.

We need to listen to songs that actually teaches us things and values of life.

Who are these friends that I know that I can count on like 1, 2, 3?

I don't think we'll be certain what the answer to that question will be until you find yourself in a big crisis and realize who are the ones who stayed by your side.

:/

I am so sleepy.

In the morning, I woke up thinking I was late for class because I thought it was a Thursday.

And an hour ago, I wanted to get up from the sofa to do my work because I thought it was Saturday and that I had no time to complete my work.

Somehow my body is living in the past and future.

But not the present.

Hahahaha.

I am making no sense at all.

A few plans made for next week.

Tuesday is going to be shabushabu night with my sisters and friends - Valen and the rest.

As for Wednesday... I can't wait for it to come!

I'm going to meet Jennifer Alexandra, and maybe Kartika Tantra!

:D

& Saturday's probably Paintball day, with the Bethany people and all!

I feel like I'm going out so much now.

I need to leave out hours a week to study and do my work.

Yesterday's study session failed terribly by the way.

Studying with a group of people will just not work out.

3-4 people in a study room or in a place doing assignments or reading is the best way to get some work done.

Probably spend my time in the library during breaks next week.

Especially since I've an Accounting exam on Wednesday.

Nerd/Geek Mode: On.

I don't know why but I feel scared for my grades right now.

I shall stop here.

Care group is in 2 hours and 5 minutes.

I'm going to lay down and rest my back that's so stiff right now.

Anyone up for a massage session?

Hahaha.

Xoxo,

Caroline.

Just purchased a new pair of shoe for gymming for myself.

Jie bought a shoe too.

I can't wait for it to arrive... in 3-4 weeks.

:/

Thinking through if I should get this:

Have been wanting a heels like that for a while.

But I don't think they have it in my size anymore :(

In both black and red.

Boohoo.

Alybelly and Chuang knows how much I liked this:

I don't know if I want to get this.

I like the purple, but how often would I wear clothes that actually matches with this?

I don't like to spend money on things that I know I would wear for a couple of times only.

The last thing that I really REALLY want to get...

Blogged about this a couple of times:

The super pretty Marc by Marc Jacobs sunglasses.

I think out of all of these items, I would most likely get the eyewear.

Shoes... I don't think I would wear heels that much here anyway.

Oh well.

Let me think about it.

Again.

I can spend an entire month thinking through this.

I'm too indecisive to be true.

:/

Just a short post to end my day with:

MAC - Michelle, Alyssa and Caroline.

You guys are just amazing.

BBFL :)

Janet - friends since we're 7 years old, and still going strong.

The Coolios, Haziqah and Verna - we've been through a lot and I'm glad you're always there for me.

Jerevien and Tracy - you two crazy friends just keep my smile on my face.

Alyssa, Stephanie and Verisia - I miss how we always hang out in Spring. I miss our sleepovers and all those things. Meet up soon ya :)

My PCC friends - you guys are not forgotten :) I shall meet up with you guys real soon.

Last but not least, my Marina care group.

You're like a family to me.

I thank every single one of you for everything.

I feel so fortunate to be able to get to know you.

I really am blessed to have all of you as my friends.

Regardless of whether we are as crazy as before, or maybe we have been quite apart recently..

Know that I will never forget or replace you guys.

All of you are important to me.

You know you are.

xx

It's almost midnight and I think I should hit the sack soon.

All of you out there reading, don't forget to get enough sleep every night.

Sleep is really important.

Keep that in mind.

With love,

Caroline.

Something's wrong.

I felt like vomiting..

I could taste it in my mouth.

Why something's wrong?

Caroline Febrianty is someone who just simply doesn't vomit.

Going to try to post everyday.

Even if it's only a sentence long.

Decided not to blog what I wanted to.

Deleted all of the things that I typed.

I guess that I'm just going to let it go, shake it off and move on.

There's no point dwelling over the small little things in life because it's just not worth it.

Right?

If we keep hanging on and getting annoyed and things like that, have you ever wondered who is it exactly that is suffering at that time? The answer is: you.

There's no one else who's suffering other than you because you're the only one looking back at the past.

Oh well, I don't think I make any sense now.

My bad, my brain is quite dead now.

I need my beauty sleep.

Going to catch up on it this weekend.

Concluded that whenever I'm really lacking of sleep, I get really quiet and stuff.

At times.

And tonight's one of the days where I'm quite quiet.

It's due to my less-than-8-hours of sleep for the past few weeks, and for the fact that I'm not feeling that good since yesterday..

It's making things worse.

Yesterday, actually I wasn't only having my splitting, pounding headache.

I think I was having a super slight fever.

For a moment, I was feeling really hot, my hands were not at the normal body temperature.

It was above it and I could feel it.

But after two minutes, it changed drastically and I was feeling chilly.

My hands turned cold and my feet were freezing.

Didn't tell anyone since it was nothing serious, so I just let myself be.

Hence the reason why I was kinda silent and looking dead last night..

Well, I know I should have taken my medicine yesterday.

But I didn't...

Because I didn't think that it was such a big deal.

Well, it's not worse now, so I guess it's fine :)

I hope I'll feel like true, crazy self tomorrow.

:)

Time to get well and be the retarded me once again.

It's almost 11pm, I better shower and head to bed before midnight or something.

Don't want to make my condition worse.

Oh, to all of those who are sick or starting to not feel well..

Please take care of yourself.

Get ample sleep and remember to keep yourself hydrated.

Never forget to take some fruits and vegetables so that you'll have enough vitamins.

If you need anything, let me know :)

Time to bathe..

Lunch and CG tomorrow.

Oh, and hopefully hopefully we'll watch Devil tomorrow.

I really want to watch it so bad.

:(

I'll probably squeeze some homework time tomorrow and spend my Sunday night doing up my work.

School life.

Student life.

What could you possibly expect?

To Alyybelly:

Don't ever think that you are not pretty/smart or anything else.

Don't compare yourself to others because you are who you are.

Everyone of us are unique, we're special in our own different way.

No one is perfect in this world right, babe?

God created us to be who we are.

So please don't think negatively and be such an emonemo.

You're much better than the person you see yourself to be.

You are smart, you are pretty and everything that you claim that you are not to be.

Know that you're not the only one having such thoughts.

But these thoughts can stop flooding your brain if you start thinking positively.

These are the words of the Devil and don't let them cover God's words and messages.

You are perfect just the way you are.

Bruno Mars sang it right, everyone is perfect just the way they are.

Don't doubt yourself ever again okay?

I love you belly :)

Goodnight in advanced lovelies.

Love you guys.

I'm tired.

I'm currently sitting on the floor of Room 211 of LMU's Library.

:/

Hello slow mellow songs..

Summing my night up:

1) I'm glad I went for prayer session earlier on,

2) It made me realize how much God means to me now,

3) I know for sure now that my care group members are like a family to me.

The downside was I was having such a splitting headache since the afternoon/evening.

And it got worse during prayer session.

The room had to start spinning when I close my eyes.

Sigh, but I feel much better now :)

I shall consume an aspirin or two and head for bed.

Another long day ahead of me, as usual.

But there's nothing that can bring me down.

Goodnight loves.

You guys mean so much to me, and I just want each of you to understand that.

Don't forget to pray every night.

I always get reminded for that, and I don't sleep without praying now.

This doesn't apply for bedtime only.

This should apply for everything that goes on in your life.

Praying is something that you should do.

I just want to say that, God is real and He's just awesome.

I just wish to thank you, Bianca, Dita, Elius, Hebron, Jessica, Junior and Stephanie for tonight's prayer session.

I wish you guys to have a blessed night, and a wonderful day ahead of you.

With love,

Caroline.

Listening to my old songs now.

Just thinking back, I realize how blessed I am.

HELLO ALYYYYYYSSAAAAA VICTORIA ADISASMITA.

I miss you :(

I feel like shopping.

Yes, shopping.

Such a rare thing for me to feel like doing.

I think my daddy's right.

I'll start shopping more when I get here.

Is once in a few weeks/months okay?

I really feel bad to shop.

I think I shouldn't..

Money just doesn't simply fall from the sky.

xx

Ah, okay, time to bathe.

And sleep.

Goodnight lovelies.

Today... wasn't a good day.

I'm sure a few of you know the reason causing my moodiness early in the morning and later in the evening.

Shall not talk about it.

Shaking it off.

Not going to let it affect my day..

I felt better after complaining a little though :p

In between, I was eating non-stop.

Since I had a 6 hours break in between my two classes.

Waited for Pat for an hour-ish at the library with Pau.

After that, eating session began.

Mitsuwa - a small bowl of ramen, didn't finish though.

Beach 26 - polar bear, french toast with ice cream and fruits, shared among the three of us. (Pat, El and I)

Urth - a cup of boba shared between Pat and I.

Class after that :/

Bummer.

And when I got home, Pat came to get blue book and dramas and stuff.

I fell asleep immediately after she left.

Woke up, and went to Urth, again.

I ate the Spinach & Mushroom Quiche.

It was good, it wasn't that heavy.

But I was full, so I only ate half of it.

I shouldn't have eaten.

:/

I shall bathe now..

At 1130pm..

And head to bed by 1am.

Another long day tomorrow.

But I believe it would go smoothly.

I hope all of you have an awesome day ahead of you.

May God bless you, you and you. (:

I'm blogging now just because I feel...

1) Sad that I didn't go Disneyland on Wednesday, even though I know and you know how much I wanted to go. Decision made by my brain told me to stay in school and to stay for class instead.

Mind 1 - Heart 0.

2) I'm in a pain because I got kicked by this person at Tkd. At my knee. Making me unable to walk, for a good one-two minutes. It still hurts now, when I bend down and stand up. But it's nothing big, I hope.

3) I am really quite annoyed at myself for not being able to go to Boiling Crab with Aly, Mualz, Va and Chuang even though I told them I could. I forgot how busy the rest of this week is going to be, CGs, Welcoming Parties and stuff like that. I feel like I'm not a good friend because I didn't keep my promise.

4) I really miss my friends in Singapore. No explanations needed because you know how missed you guys are. We need to catch up and in Singapore's Singlish talk - have a HTHT session soon!

5) I'm really worn out all the time this semester. Morning class at 815, everyday for 4 days and out of the 3 days, I end at 545pm. Yes, I have breaks but for the fact that I'm going to be in school the whole day... (Not really, I do go out most of the times HAHAHA) It sucks.

Oh well, I'm kinda contradicting myself for the #5.

2 movies are going to be out this week.

The Town & Devil.

Awesome.

:D

IFGF Beverly's Scavenger Hunt 2010 was just, beyond awesome.

Everyone was awesome but "Marina Marines" is still the best group ever!

We're more than just a team, we're a family.

Love you guys!

I don't feel like I've anything to blog recently.

My life is basically revolving around school and friends.

Nothing really interesting to blog about.

So pardon me for not blogging much.

I'm simply going back to the old me.

:D

I miss and love you guys.

Don't forget that.

Xoxo.

Life have been going on really great.

Decisions made definitely made me feel that pounds and pounds of burden are off my shoulders.

A lot of new friends made this semester.

I'm back being close to my sister, her friends, practically the Marina CG.

And I'm glad.

(:

But new friends doesn't mean that I'll forget the old.

I will NEVER ever forget you guys.

Alyssa Wee, Brian, Michelle.

Haziqah, Janet, Leonard, Verna.

Jerevien, Tracy.

Alyssa V, Stephanie M, Steven, Verisia.

Just to name a few.

I miss you guys, and will never distance from you guys.

But please don't say we have just because we hardly talk.

And please don't push the blame to me just because I don't start the conversation.

I don't see why must is it always be me.

If you feel that I'm not talking to you because I'm distancing away from you.

Why can't you see that I am feeling the exact same way as you do?

I already try to start talking to a few of you.

But I don't see you trying to talk to me first.

Sometimes when we talk, I don't see any effort coming out from each of us to have a real conversation.

I believe that we need to try to talk to each other more.

And please don't rely on me to start conversing with you every single day.

I am not going to be the follower everyday.

I will not give in everyday.

Sometimes it takes two hands to clap.

Sometimes it takes two to tango.

So far, I only see one hand, and one person.

How am I suppose to create a sound with one hand, or allow others to see a tango routine by myself?

I hope that you understand what am I saying.

I don't wish to be the person starting a conversation all the time.

I hope that you can do your part too.

Friendship is not something that is one-sided.

Friendship requires two person, trust and sincerity from one another.

I wish that you realize that I'm always here for all of you.

I'm your listening ear whenever you need me.

But please see that you need to put in some effort in this friendship.

I love you guys so much and I don't want to lose any one of you.

I don't want to realize how much you guys mean to me after I lose you.

Because now, I already know how much I need to treasure each one of you.

This is how much I appreciate all of my friendship.

So please don't treat me as someone that you can just leave from his/her side just like that.

I would be very very deeply hurt by that action.

xx

Love you guys.

See you soon lovelies.

Xoxo.

New decisions made.

- Sticking with the 3 classes I'm having now.

- Make sure that I'll ace the 3 classes.

- Get into USC or LMU.

:>

It's 552am now.

I'm poopooing :p

And I'm going to bathe and prepare to go to school.

This semester is going to be insane.

With class (hopefully) starting at 7am, or 8am otherwise..

& ending at 545pm everyday except Wednesday.

No Friday classes of course.

I'm excited for this term because they're a lot of new people :>

But somehow a lot of the new Indonesians are entering LMU straight.

LMU is getting crowded.

I figured it doesn't really matter to me if I get into USC or not..

Even though I really want to get in..

I'll leave it to the hands of God.

:>

It's 555am now.

Good morning all.

Or good night to those in Singapore.

Xoxo.

Why must it always be me starting the conversation?

If you think that I don't care just because I don't talk to you, you are wrong.

And does it occur to you that I'm feeling the same thing as you?

I feel that you don't care about me too, just because you have NEVER ever started a conversation with me.

Why can't it be you who starts the conversation?

WHY MUST IT ALWAYS BE ME?

How do you know if someone is himself or herself in front of you?

They may be acting in front of you.

Isn't this what acting is all about?

Being able to be someone that you're not and allowing people to believe that person when you're actually someone with a mask on your face?

That's something that requires talent, acting talent.

Doesn't it?

I believe, and I'm not ashamed to say that I do have a little of this talent I'm posting about.

Why?

Because I do this at times.

Especially when I'm not feeling too good inside.

I try to act like everything's fine.

And sometimes, people really do believe this.

Isn't this proof of what talent I have in me?

xx

I think I'm going back to my day dreaming.

Xoxo.

我什麼都不想想了。

A bad friend.

I am a bad friend.

At least that's what I feel inside.

:/

飛輪海 ♥

*SCREAMS*

:>

Too hooked to my 飛輪海's 太熱 song.

It's too awesome already.

They look damn hot in the MV can :O

Like Feiyun said: if only we were one of those girls.

HAHAHA.

:>

Eeek, how can Aaron be so cute -_-

Pardon the video taking over the space from my right sidebar.

Flying back to my lovely LA tomorrow.

Can't wait to be able to hang out with the few people.

Just packed my stuff and WOAH, it's like I'm moving all over again.

I have Indomie, Cap Jempol, Honey Stars and my magazines.

Shall not risk breaking my CDs, since the luggages are so filled.

:D

I'm having a slight headache now :/

Thinking if I should sleep or go eat roti prata and swirl art with my parents.

Hehe.

My parents are too cool.

I dyed my hair and chopped off my fringe.

Hm, you guys will see the outcome sooner or later.

I'm not going to sleep from SIN - NRT.

And I'll sleep from NRT - LAX.

Preventing myself from getting jetlag.

Geez.

My onboard luggage would be so heavy.

DSLR and Chanel bag is inside.

Laptop & 2 loose tops (just to protect my laptop).

And I'm bringing a carton of cigs for Mikey.

And I'm going to purchase more films in Tokyo.

Woopeedoo.

Hopefully there would be a nice gentleman dude sitting around my area.

:D

Okay, will definitely blog more when I reach LA :>

Goodbye!

See you in two days XD

I bet I'll be so lazy to blog...

Xoxo.

I wish I had my new bought journal with me right now.

Because I have so many things on my mind -_______-

Going back to Singapore tomorrow evening.

Praying in the morning first though..

I have to wake up in 8 hours wth.

It sucks to be leaving Indo and Sg in 2 days-ish.

Having to be alone by the end of this year doesn't make me feel any better.

& I'm not coming back for another year.

Eeeeek.

Okay, byebyebye!!

Cousins are staying over for my last night here in Jkt for the year 2010 XD

Xoxo.

Caught The Expendables today.

It's too cool already.

My current favorite actor: Jason Statham.

Not current actually.

Liked him for quite some time :p

He said this in the movie and damn, it got me hooked to that sentence until now.

"I know I'm not perfect, but you should have waited, because I'm worth it."

You know, something along that line.

Awesomecakes.

Meeting Jenny, Talisha and a few more people tomorrow night.

Hehe.

Early night tonight.

Getting swollen eye again.

This time it's my left eye, not my right one.

Eek.

Okiedokie.

Goodnight.

Xoxo.

I know I'm lacking a million and one updates from the time spent in Singapore and Bali.

I'll blog about them, plus my Jakarta trip, and my one last day in Singapore before I return to LA, when I return to LA.

(:

For pictures on Bali, you can simply go to Facebook and visit my profile, click on my pictures and see how fun Bali was.

Singapore photos, not a lot because I left my memory card in LA.

More polaroids taken :)

Okiedokie.

Time to sleep now.

No more time to feel emo.

This time it's nothing about my stuff and what I tweet.

It's about my LA life and how my sisters are going to leave me soon :(

By this year.

Both of them.

Okay, I'll elaborate more next time.

Be prepared to see a really long and wordy post when I go back to LA.

Xoxo.

I need to find a replacement to replace the first replacement that I had.

Porridge.

I love you.

Lol.

The pain that I feel within me..
Is just too overwhelming.

I need some sleep now.

Yam Cha with Mommy, Erjie and Cousin tomorrow.
Dentist to extract my lower left wisdom tooth after that.
And Mommy wants to bring me to a salon to cut my super long hair..

Headache's back.

Goodnight lovelies.
Xoxo.

how far would you go to stay as friends with the person who matters the most to you?

i think the best thing to do is to let go of the love that you feel towards them and start treating them like the best friend you wish to stay with for the rest of your life.

talk to them like they are friends who you would still talk about relationship with.

asking them if they have any girl that they are eyeing for.

well, that's what I do.

i'm going to treat you as no one but my best friend from now on.

and you know that it'll work.

because i'll be the great actress in me.

showing the rest of the world the opposite image that is in me.

just for the time being though.

give me a few days.. or weeks.

i'll be perfectly fine.

i'll be me again.

lovelove,

xoxo.

♥

the ♥ doesn't exist anymore.

pulling away.

Should I start distancing myself from you?

Or should I, like I said in my other post, act and pretend that nothing's wrong?

How can you love someone so much, and yet hate them at the same time?

I think it's better if I go on acting that I am fine.

Time to move on, Caroline.

Move on.

I don't wish to always be that emo on Twitter.

But you can't blame me for having so many things on my mind these days.

No one can ever understand the feeling that I am having.

There's no way that you guys can feel what I feel and to actually say that you understand, without having to lie about that.

The only person who can understand how I feel is... no one.

I guess I'm on my own on this.

Goodnight.

Xoxo.

Too many things went on in the past few days.

Too many things to blog about.

Will blog another day..

Sorry for the lack of updates lovelies.

Xoxo.

☹

Met up with Jared and Shuhui yesterday.

Aly and Bingy came to meet us.

Walked around Marina Square and decided to go Swirl Art to chill.

Bingy didn't come with us though.

We sat there for 3 hours.

Playing Monopoly Deal.

The card game for Monopoly.

And we split after the bus arrived at Orchard.

I went home with my cousin, Aly went to meet her mom at Paragon and the other 2 went to watch Salt.

Went home because I wasn't feeling very good.

Anyway.

I feel like I haven't seen Aly, Mualz, Va and Chuang forever!

When actually it's only last week where we were all still in LA.

I think I'm too used to hanging out with them that it feels so weird to be not hanging out yesterday.

:/

Yesterday..

Was filled with talks.

Well, let's just say..

You two clearly made my day by helping me sort out my thoughts.

Even though somewhere along the conversations that lasted for hours, I teared, I was sad and just thinking too much..

The two of you kept talking to me, kept helping me understand things.

♥♥

Gonna meet Jia in 1.5 hours :)

Quite excited!!

Haven't seen her since 1.5 years.

Other than the other day in Far East.

Man, it's been too long!

I'm going to shower and stuff now.

Xoxo.

It is what it is.

Sometimes I think I'm just too unbelievably gullible.

I'm already getting bored of Singapore.

I hate how I'm eating so much comparing to the amount of food that I eat in the US.

I dislike how I'm so used to texting and bbming a few people because I just can't really go on with my day if I am not talking to them.

I just want to stay with my family at home, chilling, watching tv and stuff.

I realized that my holiday is planned to meet people every single day.

I might want to squeeze two meets in one day.

So that I can spend time with my parents, siblings and cousins.

I miss them.

I miss hanging out with them.

I need to cherish this.

I will be alone in the US by the end of this year.

In 4 months plus.

I need these moments to make it up for my future lonely time.

I'm thinking.

I'm wishing.

I'm praying.

I'm hoping.

I'm glad.

I'm nervous.

I'm happy.

I'm scared.

I'm confused.

I'm worried.

I'm excited.

A whirlpool.

In my head.

In my heart.

My feelings.

Mixed.

I need to sleep soon.

Headache since afternoon.

Not feeling that good.

Caught Inception, finally.

With Aaron and Mitch.

Kept us wondering.

Well, it's pretty cool though.

Just had Macs for supper.

Yeah, had a meal, 2/3 of it.

Not upsized.

And I feel like a stupid bloated person right now.

I really need to change and sleep.

I feel like I'm going to spin and collapse any moment.

Will try to blog more.

I don't really blog that much when I'm on holiday.

As you can probably tell.

Goodnight..

Xoxo.