My life, my story.

Please take note that the 3 Stephs I'm going to mention below are all 3 different Stephs.
I know too many Stephanies.

Two of my friends were happy, and another two were down.

The two happy ones are my best friends
Alyssa being happy because I may be able to accompany her to New York this June, but nothing's confirmed yet.
Michelle is happy because she's no longer single. She messaged me early in the morning and I thought she was pulling my leg.

The two down ones.
One is sad because of going to a totally new environment, having no friends, scared of losing her secondary school friends and all.
Another is because of some complicated stuff.

They got me thinking about things.
About going to the US, losing friends because of lack of contacts.
About relationships.

I don't wish to lose my friends when I go over to the US.
It's going to be hard to keep in contact because of the time difference.
I'm not going to be able to meet up with them like before.
Even now, when all of us are in Singapore, it's hard to meet up because of their school and all.
How about next time when I'm in the US?
Wouldn't everything be over?
Tomorrow's the start of Poly, and it's going to be worse for me.
Everyone of my friends will have school, and what will I be doing?
Rotting at home. All of them are going to end school around evening time.
We won't even have the time to meet up.
I can't imagine what it'll be like the next time I'm back from the US.
Will we even meet up? Will we even keep in contact when I'm in the US?
Will it be awkward if we suddenly meet up after months?
I've so many unanswered questions in my mind.
I don't even know what to think now. I don't want to think about anything anymore.
But I just can't help it..
My brain feels like it's going to burst.

I don't want to lose contact with anyone.
I don't want to lose any friendship... Who does anyway?

Aik He said he wants at least a few old friends to be with him when school starts tomorrow.
But isn't it worst for me?
I'll be in a totally different country.
At least in NP, he'll have friends. Just that they are not in the same course as him.
He can still meet up with them and all.
I'll be alone, except for Steph who'll be with me.
Other than Steph, who can I go with? I wouldn't know anyone.
Everyone are total strangers to me.

I always listen to friends complaining about starting a new life in Poly or JC.
I mean, I don't mind listening to them, because that's what friends are for.
But, inside me, I'll start to feel sad along with them.
Do they even know I'm in a worse condition?
Oh well, I shall be nice and listen to them. I don't mind being sad with them.
One for all and all for one. Right?
We stick together, always.

I don't know how I'm going to survive in the US.
I don't know if I can make friends there.
I don't know how are the people there like.
I don't know if I'm friendly enough.
My friends say that I'm friendly, but I don't think so.
I don't think I'm friendly. Am I?

I think I'm gullible.
I don't know how I'm going to know who are my true friends, and who are not.
I don't know who to trust, and who to not trust.
I'm just that gullible.

Steph said that she found potential boyfriends for me.
Her friends' brothers.
Oh my god Steph, I'm not interested.
I don't plan to go into a relationship. Thanks.

Ah, I shall snap out of this mode now.
I shall start on a new drama. Yes, I'm still on my Taiwan dramas.
I've already ended more than 5.
And I still have about 5, and I'm going to get more.
I can hear my Korean dramas calling my name too.

Speaking of Taiwan.
If Lizhen and Steph really decide to go, and we can hang out with _____,
I will definitely go.
That'll be in the first week of June though.
But, Alyssa is leaving for New York either in the first week or the second week of June!
Actually, I haven't even ask mommy.
I need confirmation from Lizhen and Steph, before I ask mommy.
Lizhen, are we even going with Steph?
Steph, are we even going with you?
Ah, I don't know who are going. How about Chantel?
I need to know the details to ask mommy..

My June holiday schedule is super unorganised. So messy, so confusing.
I have so many places to go that I think I'm going bonkers.
Should I go Thailand to visit Mui?
Or should I go Taiwan with Lizhen & Steph?
Or should I go New York with Alyssa?
Or should I go back to Indonesia to learn driving?
Or should I stay in Singapore to hang out with my friends before I actually leave for the US permanently in early July?
Or should I go Canada to visit Jia?

But, where ever I do go, I've to be in Indonesia on July 4th for my cousin's wedding.
I'm confused. I can't make up my mind.

Mommy may want me to go back to Indonesia next week or something.
But only for 1 week. Go back and forth in between my Japanese lesson.
To learn driving, and to do something else.
I don't know. I'm so confused.

I've to fly to the US of A on July 5th because I've to check in with my school, Pasadena City College (PCC), by July 6.
July 6 is already the last day.
Orientation's on July 10.

So many choices.
My mind can't make up it's mind.

Help?