I know and I don't deny the fact that I'm not the same as before.

For you, you may think that I've become more religious.

To me, it's just that I'm getting realizing and appreciating my relationship with God.

Christianity is just not a religion.

To every single Christians out there, or whoever it may be who believes in God, it is a relationship with Him.

I said in my prayer at Wilson's the other day.

Praying that He would watch over Wilson and his new place, ensuring that Wilson is coming home to an actual home and not a "rented place" because we know that He is there, and for the fact that He is our Father, it IS home.

I just want to say that I think that applies to everyone of us.

It doesn't matter where we are, we are always home.

Because we know for sure that God is always in our mind, heart and thoughts, allowing every single place we go to to have that little sense of home.

I really am starting to get used to being in LA.

I know sometimes I will feel homesick.

Missing Daddy, Mommy and ahboy.

Missing my relatives and friends.

And soon enough, I'll have to add my two sisters in "the people I miss" list.

I just want to thank Him for allowing me to get to know such great friends here.

There's no doubt that He placed me in these groups of friends with a plan in mind.

There's always a reason for everything.

And I trust in Him.

I trust in You, Father.

Maybe my change this time is not a bad thing.

I know that you might say I'm distancing myself from you or from others.

We'll prevent that from happening.

Let's make the effort to meet up once in a while.

You know that I wouldn't want to lose you as my friend.

Don't worry so much okay.

xx

Watched "You Again" earlier in the evening.

I cried a total of 3 times watching it.

I feel like I'm getting back to the old "crybaby" me.

Hahaha, nah, I hope not..

Anyway, that show is really good.

Everyone should catch it.

Even the guys.

No matter how chick-flick you think the movie is, you still have to watch it either way.

I even got to learn some things from it.

:)

Going to shower and do a little work before entering my dreamland.

Goodnight in advanced, lovelies.

Xoxo.

I feel like I've just disappointed a million people, including myself with my previous posts.

I'm sorry.

I know these might be the words of the Devil.

I just can't help it but to feel this way...

I don't want to feel left out at that "event" because of the fact that I know that I am certainly the only one who do not know the exact contents of The Bible and that I am the only one who is a "new" believer. I am, truthfully, scared to go because of that very fact that I stated above. I don't know what to do now.

Dilemma.

HELLOOOOOO.

:p

Just got home from studying :/

I need to sleep.

It's 1am, well in 5 minutes.

xx

Thinking if I should go ahead and do it.

But I just feel like I'm not worthy enough.

:(

Shall sleep on it.

Goodnight lovelies.

Xoxo.

Yesterday.

Church, was early for it for the first time.

Hahaha.

Somehow, I was freezing cold after sermon ended.

It was so odd because it wasn't that cold inside.

Eek.

Just wanted to say..

I don't know what was it, but I felt something in me when the whole church, including myself, was singing "MengenalMu".

There was this thing that I sense.

And somehow, singing that song, made me tear.

I teared, in church.

Every single time I feel what I felt at that time, I would tear.

And it seems like it's been happening a lot.

& most, or rather all of the time, it's during the time where the church or care group is just singing, praising and worshipping God.

I believe that it's just not something in me that's setting that feeling off.

I trust that it's something more than that.

Don't you?

xx

Went to Ord after that, I know I shouldn't have ordered the Crispy Pork because of my throat, but too bad hahaha.

I had it in the end.

Was contemplating on whether I should go for badminton last night, and when Ame told me she was going, I was like, okay I've a friend so I went.

Turns out she decided not to go because it was too far.

But it was fine.

I was a great time last night.

FINALLY knowing how to serve correctly :p

I felt like a hindrance throughout the set because I had to be taught about the rules and the way to hold the racket and stuff along the way.

I'm sorry :/

After the set, Alfred made me do some training.

Seriously.

Running front, back, left and right.

It was tiring, and I felt dizzy for a while.

You know, the kind of feeling that you have before you actually blackout or faint.

Hahaha.

But, it was fun overall.

I'm glad I went for badminton :)

They decided to eat after that, oh defeating the purpose of exercising..

And so we went to Jazzcat.

First time there and it was just okay to me.

The popcorn chicken is good though.

Came home at like 1..

And I went to bathe even though it is so ridiculously late.

I actually hairdry-ed my hair yesterday.

10 minutes spent on doing so and I gave up.

So I slept with my hair a little wet :p

At least I didn't sleep with it dripping wet right?

:D

Today.

HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT.

That kinda summarizes how everyone in LA feels today.

It's 37C at my place.

And 45C at the East.

:/

This is worse than Indonesia and Singapore.

Plus it's not humid here.

Can you imagine?

I guess not.

I got reminded of something last night.

For this year's Christmas and New Year's Eve and New Year...

I'll be all alone here.

:(

Parents and siblings are not coming over because daddy has to work and ahboy has remedials.

How sucky would that be.

I'm going to shower and drown myself in songs.

Xoxo.

Another first-time that I can check off my list.

Face was as red as a tomato I bet with you.

But.. It was good :)

I just want to wash up and jump on my bed (not literally) and just sleep for the next 8 hours, 15 minutes before waking up for Church :)

Goodnight lovelies.

Xoxo.

"God himself needs us in relationship and if God should need us for relationship then surely we need God and each other."

- JJ Dewey

"Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling."
— Margaret Lee Runbeck

"Silence make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying, but the never needing to say that counts."

- Margaret Lee Runbeck

I know I said I won't blog.

But I just have got to say something.

The movie "Devil", it certainly had one purpose, which was to teach us that God is real, He is so real.

A quote from the movie was that if Devil is real, so is God.

It undoubtedly left me thinking one thing.

Why is it so that so many people in this world believe in the Devil but not in God?

Also, you have to realize that some things that you do are wrong.

And sometimes we have to forgive others who have some wrongdoings.

Just want to voice my opinion on today's care group.

Personally, it was slightly complex to me.

Or maybe it's because my brain was slightly not working right.

And I couldn't process the informations that Jun was sharing with all of us.

One part of the sharing session really made me cry a little inside me.

The small talk about poverty and how fortunate we all really are.

People always seem to think that their problems are so huge that it's almost like it's the end of the world.

But do they realize how small their problems are compared to those who are suffering with much bigger situations in their hands?

Ever heard of "I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man that had no feet."?

That to me, applies really well in the thing that I want to talk about.

I really thought back to 3 years ago.

Manjusri's overseas trip to Cambodia.

All of the feelings that I felt back there all rushed into me once again.

The main thing that I felt was the sadness that I had in me back then.

I really have a feeling that one of the reason why I don't really dare to shop that much is because I have seen people who have nothing right in front of me.

I just feel so blessed that I have the things that I have in my life right now.

Everyone should understand how many people in this world are living with so little things compared to us.

$1 a day.

That's what a whole lot of the world's population is surviving on.

Can you imagine?

Truthfully, I can't.

I'm not going to lie.

I'm sure you can't too.

I just want to tell you how important it is to treasure everything that you have/own.

And to always, ALWAYS, count your blessings.

Know that you are blessed.

Be grateful.

Be thankful.

The other point is about how real God is.

Never forget that, because it is such an important fact that people often forget or neglect to accept it as the truth.

xx

Heading to bed with my whole heart feeling so loved, blessed, thankful, grateful and fortunate for everything.

And you guys should too.

I wish all of you a very good night.

And I won't forget to pray, and you should not too (:

Xoxo.

Because of Pat, the song "Count On Me" by Bruno Mars is stuck in my head.

The chorus of the song:

You can count on me like 1 2 3
I'll be there
And I know when I need it I can count on you like 4 3 2
And you'll be there
Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah

I think Bruno Mars's song is really filled with meanings.

Unlike most of the songs that are out in the industry now.

We need to listen to songs that actually teaches us things and values of life.

Who are these friends that I know that I can count on like 1, 2, 3?

I don't think we'll be certain what the answer to that question will be until you find yourself in a big crisis and realize who are the ones who stayed by your side.

:/

I am so sleepy.

In the morning, I woke up thinking I was late for class because I thought it was a Thursday.

And an hour ago, I wanted to get up from the sofa to do my work because I thought it was Saturday and that I had no time to complete my work.

Somehow my body is living in the past and future.

But not the present.

Hahahaha.

I am making no sense at all.

A few plans made for next week.

Tuesday is going to be shabushabu night with my sisters and friends - Valen and the rest.

As for Wednesday... I can't wait for it to come!

I'm going to meet Jennifer Alexandra, and maybe Kartika Tantra!

:D

& Saturday's probably Paintball day, with the Bethany people and all!

I feel like I'm going out so much now.

I need to leave out hours a week to study and do my work.

Yesterday's study session failed terribly by the way.

Studying with a group of people will just not work out.

3-4 people in a study room or in a place doing assignments or reading is the best way to get some work done.

Probably spend my time in the library during breaks next week.

Especially since I've an Accounting exam on Wednesday.

Nerd/Geek Mode: On.

I don't know why but I feel scared for my grades right now.

I shall stop here.

Care group is in 2 hours and 5 minutes.

I'm going to lay down and rest my back that's so stiff right now.

Anyone up for a massage session?

Hahaha.

Xoxo,

Caroline.

Just purchased a new pair of shoe for gymming for myself.

Jie bought a shoe too.

I can't wait for it to arrive... in 3-4 weeks.

:/

Thinking through if I should get this:

Have been wanting a heels like that for a while.

But I don't think they have it in my size anymore :(

In both black and red.

Boohoo.

Alybelly and Chuang knows how much I liked this:

I don't know if I want to get this.

I like the purple, but how often would I wear clothes that actually matches with this?

I don't like to spend money on things that I know I would wear for a couple of times only.

The last thing that I really REALLY want to get...

Blogged about this a couple of times:

The super pretty Marc by Marc Jacobs sunglasses.

I think out of all of these items, I would most likely get the eyewear.

Shoes... I don't think I would wear heels that much here anyway.

Oh well.

Let me think about it.

Again.

I can spend an entire month thinking through this.

I'm too indecisive to be true.

:/

Just a short post to end my day with:

MAC - Michelle, Alyssa and Caroline.

You guys are just amazing.

BBFL :)

Janet - friends since we're 7 years old, and still going strong.

The Coolios, Haziqah and Verna - we've been through a lot and I'm glad you're always there for me.

Jerevien and Tracy - you two crazy friends just keep my smile on my face.

Alyssa, Stephanie and Verisia - I miss how we always hang out in Spring. I miss our sleepovers and all those things. Meet up soon ya :)

My PCC friends - you guys are not forgotten :) I shall meet up with you guys real soon.

Last but not least, my Marina care group.

You're like a family to me.

I thank every single one of you for everything.

I feel so fortunate to be able to get to know you.

I really am blessed to have all of you as my friends.

Regardless of whether we are as crazy as before, or maybe we have been quite apart recently..

Know that I will never forget or replace you guys.

All of you are important to me.

You know you are.

xx

It's almost midnight and I think I should hit the sack soon.

All of you out there reading, don't forget to get enough sleep every night.

Sleep is really important.

Keep that in mind.

With love,

Caroline.

Something's wrong.

I felt like vomiting..

I could taste it in my mouth.

Why something's wrong?

Caroline Febrianty is someone who just simply doesn't vomit.

Going to try to post everyday.

Even if it's only a sentence long.

Decided not to blog what I wanted to.

Deleted all of the things that I typed.

I guess that I'm just going to let it go, shake it off and move on.

There's no point dwelling over the small little things in life because it's just not worth it.

Right?

If we keep hanging on and getting annoyed and things like that, have you ever wondered who is it exactly that is suffering at that time? The answer is: you.

There's no one else who's suffering other than you because you're the only one looking back at the past.

Oh well, I don't think I make any sense now.

My bad, my brain is quite dead now.

I need my beauty sleep.

Going to catch up on it this weekend.

Concluded that whenever I'm really lacking of sleep, I get really quiet and stuff.

At times.

And tonight's one of the days where I'm quite quiet.

It's due to my less-than-8-hours of sleep for the past few weeks, and for the fact that I'm not feeling that good since yesterday..

It's making things worse.

Yesterday, actually I wasn't only having my splitting, pounding headache.

I think I was having a super slight fever.

For a moment, I was feeling really hot, my hands were not at the normal body temperature.

It was above it and I could feel it.

But after two minutes, it changed drastically and I was feeling chilly.

My hands turned cold and my feet were freezing.

Didn't tell anyone since it was nothing serious, so I just let myself be.

Hence the reason why I was kinda silent and looking dead last night..

Well, I know I should have taken my medicine yesterday.

But I didn't...

Because I didn't think that it was such a big deal.

Well, it's not worse now, so I guess it's fine :)

I hope I'll feel like true, crazy self tomorrow.

:)

Time to get well and be the retarded me once again.

It's almost 11pm, I better shower and head to bed before midnight or something.

Don't want to make my condition worse.

Oh, to all of those who are sick or starting to not feel well..

Please take care of yourself.

Get ample sleep and remember to keep yourself hydrated.

Never forget to take some fruits and vegetables so that you'll have enough vitamins.

If you need anything, let me know :)

Time to bathe..

Lunch and CG tomorrow.

Oh, and hopefully hopefully we'll watch Devil tomorrow.

I really want to watch it so bad.

:(

I'll probably squeeze some homework time tomorrow and spend my Sunday night doing up my work.

School life.

Student life.

What could you possibly expect?

To Alyybelly:

Don't ever think that you are not pretty/smart or anything else.

Don't compare yourself to others because you are who you are.

Everyone of us are unique, we're special in our own different way.

No one is perfect in this world right, babe?

God created us to be who we are.

So please don't think negatively and be such an emonemo.

You're much better than the person you see yourself to be.

You are smart, you are pretty and everything that you claim that you are not to be.

Know that you're not the only one having such thoughts.

But these thoughts can stop flooding your brain if you start thinking positively.

These are the words of the Devil and don't let them cover God's words and messages.

You are perfect just the way you are.

Bruno Mars sang it right, everyone is perfect just the way they are.

Don't doubt yourself ever again okay?

I love you belly :)

Goodnight in advanced lovelies.

Love you guys.

I'm tired.

I'm currently sitting on the floor of Room 211 of LMU's Library.

:/

Hello slow mellow songs..

Summing my night up:

1) I'm glad I went for prayer session earlier on,

2) It made me realize how much God means to me now,

3) I know for sure now that my care group members are like a family to me.

The downside was I was having such a splitting headache since the afternoon/evening.

And it got worse during prayer session.

The room had to start spinning when I close my eyes.

Sigh, but I feel much better now :)

I shall consume an aspirin or two and head for bed.

Another long day ahead of me, as usual.

But there's nothing that can bring me down.

Goodnight loves.

You guys mean so much to me, and I just want each of you to understand that.

Don't forget to pray every night.

I always get reminded for that, and I don't sleep without praying now.

This doesn't apply for bedtime only.

This should apply for everything that goes on in your life.

Praying is something that you should do.

I just want to say that, God is real and He's just awesome.

I just wish to thank you, Bianca, Dita, Elius, Hebron, Jessica, Junior and Stephanie for tonight's prayer session.

I wish you guys to have a blessed night, and a wonderful day ahead of you.

With love,

Caroline.

Listening to my old songs now.

Just thinking back, I realize how blessed I am.

HELLO ALYYYYYYSSAAAAA VICTORIA ADISASMITA.

I miss you :(

I feel like shopping.

Yes, shopping.

Such a rare thing for me to feel like doing.

I think my daddy's right.

I'll start shopping more when I get here.

Is once in a few weeks/months okay?

I really feel bad to shop.

I think I shouldn't..

Money just doesn't simply fall from the sky.

xx

Ah, okay, time to bathe.

And sleep.

Goodnight lovelies.

Today... wasn't a good day.

I'm sure a few of you know the reason causing my moodiness early in the morning and later in the evening.

Shall not talk about it.

Shaking it off.

Not going to let it affect my day..

I felt better after complaining a little though :p

In between, I was eating non-stop.

Since I had a 6 hours break in between my two classes.

Waited for Pat for an hour-ish at the library with Pau.

After that, eating session began.

Mitsuwa - a small bowl of ramen, didn't finish though.

Beach 26 - polar bear, french toast with ice cream and fruits, shared among the three of us. (Pat, El and I)

Urth - a cup of boba shared between Pat and I.

Class after that :/

Bummer.

And when I got home, Pat came to get blue book and dramas and stuff.

I fell asleep immediately after she left.

Woke up, and went to Urth, again.

I ate the Spinach & Mushroom Quiche.

It was good, it wasn't that heavy.

But I was full, so I only ate half of it.

I shouldn't have eaten.

:/

I shall bathe now..

At 1130pm..

And head to bed by 1am.

Another long day tomorrow.

But I believe it would go smoothly.

I hope all of you have an awesome day ahead of you.

May God bless you, you and you. (:

I'm blogging now just because I feel...

1) Sad that I didn't go Disneyland on Wednesday, even though I know and you know how much I wanted to go. Decision made by my brain told me to stay in school and to stay for class instead.

Mind 1 - Heart 0.

2) I'm in a pain because I got kicked by this person at Tkd. At my knee. Making me unable to walk, for a good one-two minutes. It still hurts now, when I bend down and stand up. But it's nothing big, I hope.

3) I am really quite annoyed at myself for not being able to go to Boiling Crab with Aly, Mualz, Va and Chuang even though I told them I could. I forgot how busy the rest of this week is going to be, CGs, Welcoming Parties and stuff like that. I feel like I'm not a good friend because I didn't keep my promise.

4) I really miss my friends in Singapore. No explanations needed because you know how missed you guys are. We need to catch up and in Singapore's Singlish talk - have a HTHT session soon!

5) I'm really worn out all the time this semester. Morning class at 815, everyday for 4 days and out of the 3 days, I end at 545pm. Yes, I have breaks but for the fact that I'm going to be in school the whole day... (Not really, I do go out most of the times HAHAHA) It sucks.

Oh well, I'm kinda contradicting myself for the #5.

2 movies are going to be out this week.

The Town & Devil.

Awesome.

:D

IFGF Beverly's Scavenger Hunt 2010 was just, beyond awesome.

Everyone was awesome but "Marina Marines" is still the best group ever!

We're more than just a team, we're a family.

Love you guys!

I don't feel like I've anything to blog recently.

My life is basically revolving around school and friends.

Nothing really interesting to blog about.

So pardon me for not blogging much.

I'm simply going back to the old me.

:D

I miss and love you guys.

Don't forget that.

Xoxo.

Life have been going on really great.

Decisions made definitely made me feel that pounds and pounds of burden are off my shoulders.

A lot of new friends made this semester.

I'm back being close to my sister, her friends, practically the Marina CG.

And I'm glad.

(:

But new friends doesn't mean that I'll forget the old.

I will NEVER ever forget you guys.

Alyssa Wee, Brian, Michelle.

Haziqah, Janet, Leonard, Verna.

Jerevien, Tracy.

Alyssa V, Stephanie M, Steven, Verisia.

Just to name a few.

I miss you guys, and will never distance from you guys.

But please don't say we have just because we hardly talk.

And please don't push the blame to me just because I don't start the conversation.

I don't see why must is it always be me.

If you feel that I'm not talking to you because I'm distancing away from you.

Why can't you see that I am feeling the exact same way as you do?

I already try to start talking to a few of you.

But I don't see you trying to talk to me first.

Sometimes when we talk, I don't see any effort coming out from each of us to have a real conversation.

I believe that we need to try to talk to each other more.

And please don't rely on me to start conversing with you every single day.

I am not going to be the follower everyday.

I will not give in everyday.

Sometimes it takes two hands to clap.

Sometimes it takes two to tango.

So far, I only see one hand, and one person.

How am I suppose to create a sound with one hand, or allow others to see a tango routine by myself?

I hope that you understand what am I saying.

I don't wish to be the person starting a conversation all the time.

I hope that you can do your part too.

Friendship is not something that is one-sided.

Friendship requires two person, trust and sincerity from one another.

I wish that you realize that I'm always here for all of you.

I'm your listening ear whenever you need me.

But please see that you need to put in some effort in this friendship.

I love you guys so much and I don't want to lose any one of you.

I don't want to realize how much you guys mean to me after I lose you.

Because now, I already know how much I need to treasure each one of you.

This is how much I appreciate all of my friendship.

So please don't treat me as someone that you can just leave from his/her side just like that.

I would be very very deeply hurt by that action.

xx

Love you guys.

See you soon lovelies.

Xoxo.

New decisions made.

- Sticking with the 3 classes I'm having now.

- Make sure that I'll ace the 3 classes.

- Get into USC or LMU.

:>