Time to lose weight.

My plan is to diet and exercise during weekdays and I guess I can indulge a little during the weekend.

Strict diet is going to start.

One small meal for Monday through Thursday.

And two small meals for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

No more snacking.

No more bingeing.

Healthy food, healthy meal, healthy snacks and other healthy stuff..

Here I come!

I now truly believe with all of my heart that once you place your entire life in His hands, your problems, your worries, your nervousness, your everything in His hands, nothing but the best will happen.

All of your problems would be resolved with miracles by Him.

All of your prayers would be answered.

Everything will turn out just great..

I'm a living proof, my testimony is just going to blow everyone's mind.

Everyone should know how much my parents were against me taking any other majors other than business, or fashion.

I asked them a couple of times, but every time I find myself being rejected with a simple "no" coming out from their mouth.

On Thursday, I really couldn't stand it anymore.

I find myself really doing something that I do not like.

I'm taking math, accounting, econs, and other classes that I have no interest in.

And to find myself doing badly in class does not make me feel any better.

I was just so disappointed in myself.

After my exam on Thursday, I was crying so badly in the library.

I didn't want to continue wasting my life away taking the classes that I hate and that I am currently not doing well.

Why am I wasting my time?

I asked myself that question over and over again.

And I really couldn't bear with this anymore.

I bbm-ed my parents that I really wanted to change my major.

But knowing in my head that 90% chance of my proposal to them will get a "no" as an answer.

Dad said that we'll discuss this again through skype.

And Mom suggested that I take fashion, as she always do.

One and a half day passed.

No reply from them.

I bbm-ed them, asking them to make a decision as soon as they possibly can.

So that I can apply for the school that I want to go on Monday.

My Dad said that he'll discuss it with my Mom who was still sleeping at that point of time.

I said okay, just let me know.

That was before the Freedom & Fashion event that we attended last night.

After the fashion walk, I got a bbm from my Dad.

Asking me what do I really want to take, and if it was Culinary.

I said, "yes".

And I didn't touch my phone for another 30 minutes because we were browsing through the clothes for sale at the event.

After we bought our jeans, just as when we were walking towards the others who were queueing to retrieve our shirts from this vendor, I took my phone out from my bag.

And I read my Dad's bbm.

To my surprise, he said that I can take whatever that I wanted to!

I was so happy that I literally jumped for joy and had tears of joy rolling down my cheeks.

The downside at that point was my Mom not being 100% behind this idea of me attending culinary school.

I told her why I wanted to go, and why she should let me go.

And within minutes, she said okay.

How incredible is this, seriously?

How amazing is the power of our God?

On Friday, the day after I cried and the day before my parents agreed to let me change major, during caregroup, Jun somehow knew that there was something bothering me in my heart and asked me if I had any prayer request.

I told them about what happened on Thursday.

And I was crying my heart out when I was telling them about everything, I was so thankful for having them and yet inside me, I still feel that sense of disappointment and for the fact that I'm such an "outcast".

And my caregroup was really praying for me.

But at the end of the prayer session, or rather during the time Jun was praying for me, I just felt that I don't want to put this on my shoulders and that the only thing that I wanted to do was to just hand all of this into His hands.

Because doing that, I know that everything would work out the way He planned it for me.

If it wasn't meant for me to take culinary, my parents would say no eventually.

And if it was, things would get on the right path and that things will be on the brighter side.

Lifting everything into His hands is so hard and yet so simple at the same time.

Sometimes people are just not ready to sacrifice everything, but once you do so, you would realize how great that choice was and how good He is.

Apparently, as all of you can see, God planned for me to use the talents that He gave me to make Him, my parents, and everyone around me proud.

He gave such a miracle into solving this problem of mine.

He talked to my parents, told them and softened their hearts.

And He allowed them to see His plan for my life.

That was when my parents see that the right choice and decision for this case was to agree with what I wanted to do, and to allow me to transfer to culinary school.

I just am so amazed at how great God is.

He works wonders, miracles and just the unimaginable.

He is so marvelous in everything.

We have to trust Him in all that we do, believe in Him and place everything into His hands.

He gave us everything and He can take everything away if He wanted to.

We should not take everything for granted.

We should do our best to do all that we can to bring glory to His name and to just lift up His name.

He is our wonderful, glorious and amazing God.

I love Him so greatly, and I say that from the bottom of my heart.

Even though I am a new Christian and I am just so new to everything..

All of that I have experienced within this short timeframe is just so surreal.

And I really love Him for who He is.

Now, think about it and ask yourself.

Can you say that too?

Can you say that you love Him?

If you can, I believe that actions speaks louder than words.

So how are you showing it?

Personally, I'm trying to get a closer and intimate relationship with God.

I'm starting to read the Bible everyday, it is hard at first, but I am pushing myself to do so.

I may be falling behind on the 30 days of worship book, but I will get back up.

I am just trying to know more of His words and to know Him better.

Devoting some time to Him, to hear what He has to say to me.

Worshipping Him, praising Him.

These are my baby steps to show that I am not a liar when I say I want to know Him more.

I will make myself grow spiritually.

And I am working hard.

But I will get there.

I will.

No one would know how I feel inside me now.

Except for God.

No one would know how glad and relieved I feel now.

Except for God.

No one would know how nervous and scared I feel now.

Except for God.

No one would know how appreciative I am of my care group now.

Except for God.

No one would know how disappointed I am in myself now.

Except for God.

No one knows me, not even myself.

I'm not saying knowing as in knowing that I exist in this world, or as in you knowing my name, what I like, what I dislike, my interests and things like that.

But the definition of knowing yourself is so much more than that.

The true meaning is just so deep that the journey to find out who you really are is just such a challenge and it's such an adventure for you to go on.

God is the only person who knows you the best.

He knows the number of hair you have on your head, I mean, how mind-boggling is that fact?

I know that He will show me the way.

He have His plans written down.

And that no matter what obstacles I am facing right now, He will eventually place miracles in my life in order to achieve the goal that He have in mind for me.

Proverbs 3:5-7 (New International Version)

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.

Thank You.

There is really none like You.

None but You, Jesus.

You are there in times of our weaknesses and You give us strength to pull through them.

You are my rock.

You are really so awesome.

You are more than amazing.

I trust in You with all of my heart and I know that you will make my paths straight, Lord.

You will show and guide me to the right way.

Thank You Lord..

Thank You..

xx

I feel like I didn't do that well for my first time leading worship today.

But I thank you guys for supporting me and telling me that I did a good job.

I never thought I would lead praise & worship one day.

I had never even think that I would go to care group, or that I would be a Christian.

But look where I am today.

I am just so in awe knowing what God can do in our lives.

I will try my best to do better and be the best I can be leading praise and worship.

I will not let the devil win by telling myself that I did bad and that I cannot improve.

I know I can, and I will improve.

There is just something in me that is dying to burst out of my shell.

& that is to learn to be a better worshipper, a better person who is able to praise and worship You more, to be someone who is able to pray for others more.

That is the person who I am striving to be.

And I know by God's strength that I am capable of doing so.

xx

I'm sorry but I can't stand doing this any longer.
I do not wish to waste anymore of my time and life.
I just want to do something that I love and have passion in doing.
Is that a crime?

I came back home, to house that is so filled with love and warmth.

But a sense of emptiness at the same time.

The place is full of things, but it still feels so spacious at times.

As I enter the house, I find the room on the left being empty.

My sister is no longer here.

She left to begin her new chapter in life.

I am sad, but I am so excited and glad at the same time.

I will miss her, I already do, but I want her to continue her life, do good things, be the best she is at her future work.

She will be shining so brightly among her new crowd and she will make her old friends realize how much she have changed, for the better.

And she will voice out the word of God to others, and allow others who have not recognize or accepted God to see how great He is.

I love my sister and even though I feel empty and sad inside, I will always wish her for the best.

Good luck in everything, especially your interviews.

(:

xx

It's 12 midnight.

I'm only going to shower now and start doing up my math homework.

Exam's at 8am and I've another quiz at 330pm.

This is going to be quite exhausting.

I'm going to quickly run off and take my shower so that I can be in my comfy PJs and after finishing up my homework and stuff, I can take my desired sleep.

I need my sleep tomorrow night.

A long sleep indeed.

On a side note:

Congratulations Stephanie Tanubrata!

Hope you had a pleasant surprise :)

I'll see you uh, really soon, hahaha.

Alrighty, goodnight lovelies.

Xoxo.

I. Do. Not. Want. Tomorrow. To. Come.

I don't like the fact that tomorrow will come no matter how much I hate it and how much I want it to just not come.

I want time to stay still, not to move even for a split second.

I DO NOT WANT MY SISTER TO LEAVE!!!

I hate this.

I hate this.

I hate this.

I know that she have to return to Indo/Singapore sooner or later.

But this is too soon.

I know that God have greater plans for her.

And because of this, a part of me hope that tomorrow will come.

Because I want my sister to do God's will and to glorify His name in everything that she do.

I trust in God that He will bless my sister and her future plans.

But inside me, I am still sad that she's leaving.

And even more disappointed in myself as I can't send her off tomorrow.

xx

Prayer night for my sister is going to start in 20 minutes, or rather 50 (if you know Indonesians, you'll know what I mean ;) winkwink).

I'm going to bathe now.

Went to the gym even though my thigh is hurting.

I'm sorry, I just feel too fat.

Body, please forgive me.

Bye lovelies!

Xoxo.

2nd day of having my own devotion time and it's working so good so far.

It's a stepping stone.

Baby steps before leaping up high.

I've to think or rather decide on two songs by Friday.

Hm, decision decision.

I've a book on worship and devotion from Charlina that I've to read.

I'm not saying that it's like something I'm forced to read from her.

I find myself to be interested in reading the book actually.

So from today onwards, I'm going to leave some time before I sleep reading:

1) Charlina's book,

2) Jtiff's book (Battlefield of The Mind), and last but not least,

3) The Bible.

Just got to train myself to have the habit to do much more spiritually.

There is no way that I can feel as close to God without doing this everyday.

Worshipping Him, being devotional, praying and all of those are just things that we have to do as a daily routine.

It have to be a habit.

And I'm trying to do so.

I know I might crumble and fall for the first few days.

But God, give me the strength and will to get through the first few days.

Those days are the hardest.

Once I get through those couple of days, I know that I will do the readings, worshipping and prayers without having the mentality to not do so.

xx

Time to bathe and to start reading.

It's time to be a better person.

Time to get to know God's words more.

It's time for me to be someone who can just pray not only for myself but for every single person around me.

Time to grow spiritually.

It's time to be someone who is out there to spread the word of God.

xx

It's November 1st.

I don't know whether I should be glad that the year is ending as it's equivalent to holidays being nearer/closer.

Or if I should be sad that my sisters are leaving soon.

One is actually leaving in 2 days.

TWO DAYS.

I hate this ):

I surrender myself to You, Lord.

I know I should have listened to You when You told me what I had to do.

I didn't and it only made me feel worse.

But now I realize that it was a mistake.

I am going to do whatever You have in plan for me, Lord.

You know everything and You are the best.

You planned out my life and You will ensure that I go on the right paths in order to achieve what You have in mind for me.

I just want to thank You for not giving up on me.

我又開始想太多了。

也許我想的是真的吧。

I survived Universal Studio's Halloween Horror Night! :D
It was filled with so much fun, joy, laughter and craziness!
With a little tears from me and someone else though.
But overall, it was so entertaining!
Especially since we went in such a big group.

All of us had a partner by the end of the first maze.
Girls paired up with a guy to get some protection and stuff.
It was quite fun.
During mazes, we would wound up hooking arms or holding hands with the ENTIRE group.
So each girl had two guys, one by their side and at their back.
Hahahaha.

I cried at the end of the first maze, which was the "Vampyre: Castle of the Undead".
It was not THAT bad until the last part.
I was really scared but not to the point of crying until the moment right before we exited.
The room with all of the white "ghosts".
That was bad.
When I was about to leave the maze for good, this "ghost" was waiting behind the wall and scared the hell out of me!
And that was when I cried.
Man, without that, I could have proved myself wrong when I said I will so definitely cry last night!
Oh well, what I did was to prove that I was right all along and that I'm a scaredey-cat.
:p

The others that we went to were:
Terror Tram
King Kong 360 3-D: The Skull Island Express
A Nightmare on Elm Street: Never Sleep Again
Saw: Game On

Terror Tram was fine until the part where they made you go down and walk through this patch of land that is filled with people with make up or costume waiting for you..
But the thing that made it fun was that a few of us who went already knew where's the ghost so we're like..
"Di kiri, di kanan" and all that.
Even with that, we were still shocked when they came out.
For this walk, we were crowding ourselves into one big group and walked together in that manner...
So hard to walk but that was cute.
OH, during the walk, this person came to scare me by appearing in front of my face.
I didn't know how to react because I wasn't that scared.
So I said, "Hi".
And after that Steph and I winded up saying "Hey~" to the people who place their faces in front of us.
Hahaha.

King Kong left me in awe.
It was just spectacular.
But this ride, I believe, wouldn't make people come back for more.
I mean, it's really cool and stuff but probably the maximum number of times I would ride this in a day is 2.
However, all of you should really try out this ride.
It's such a new concept that will leave you just all amazed!

Nightmare on Elm Street vs Saw.
Nightmare was scary, but personally, I feel that Saw is scarier.
Maybe it's because Nightmare only had one character in the show and throughout the whole maze, I was squished in between Hebron and Julian that I didn't really see everything to make me feel really scared.
:p
I mean, comparing that to Saw, where there exists already 5 sequels and stuff.
And I wasn't really in between two people, so I saw more stuff.
And I got scared twice, by that I mean the "ghosts" literally came out from the door when I was in front of it.

Yeah, that's about it.
The funniest part of yesterday was when someone got scared when we're walking out of the Nightmare maze to the point that that person almost fell down!
I'm not going to say who because that wouldn't be nice..
But all of us present last night would know who and it'll always be there in your memories!
Hahahaha.

All of us were so exhausted and worn out by the end of the night.
To the point where the 6 of us in the car, Hebron, James, Alfred, Jess, Steph and myself didn't communicate all the way.
You should have seen us en route to Universals.
We were quite talkative!
Oh, I forgot to mention, we had Tony Roma's for dinner and we faked Iwan Tjhai's birthday.
He didn't know it was for him until the waiter placed the cake in front of him.
It was then when his face turned red!
Really red.

Hahaha, I'm losing my voice.
My throat is hurting so badly now.
I blame all of the screamings for this pain.
I really did scream a lot.
Julian complained after Nightmare that I was screaming even BEFORE the people came out to scare us.
Hahaha, when he said that I was laughing, at myself.

Okay, time to bathe, drink some honey water, drink some tea, and head to LMU to finish up my homework for the weekend before tonight.
It's time to watch either Paranormal Activity 2 or Saw 3D!
It's about time to catch a movie!
My last movie was Jackass 3D and that seems like eons ago.

Okiedokie, goodbye lovelies!
Xoxoxo.

We're going to Universal Studios in 2 hours!!
I'm quite excited for it since I'm not going for the Halloween parade this Sunday.
This shall make up for it.

Okiedokie, study time before heading out to get scared and to cry from all of the scaring!
No POP class and AGS tomorrow so it's going to be an awesome day to sleep in and do homework.
Goodbye!!
Xoxo.

Makeover status: 2/3 stages completed!
Hahah, time to shop and change my dressing now :p
Then the last step before I'm the new me is that I've to change on the inside to be someone prettier :)
By that I mean, be a little more demure!
I'm so glad I haven't said a single vulgarity, especially the four letter word that starts with a F ever since I got back from my summer holiday.
Life is good!

Time to nap now!
Goodnight? :)

Listening to my Chinese playlist.

You guys know what it means..

就讓你飛，飛過現在兩個人膠著

風有多大雨有多美才是你的一切

給你的祝福我不掉淚

說好天堂各自尋找，請不要回頭望

遠遠關心就好，你飛吧

事實擺在眼前，我還能說甚麼呢？

Stephanie Tanubrata: Hello.

Patricia (Patrick) Ariani: Hello.

xx

2 Corinthians 2:10-11

What I have forgiven ... has been for your sakes ... to keep Satan from getting the advantage over us; for we are not ignorant of his wiles and intentions.

Sometimes we just do not realize that we surrender, even temporarily to Satan's invitation.

His invitation for us to enjoy a life filled with misery, worry and confusion.

Where Satan triumphs is where he offers wrong thinking to all of us.

He would do and say anything to make sure that you agree with him and to do something bad in your life.

His temptation worked on Eve when he told her that she will be like God, that she'll know good and evil if she ate the fruit from the Tree of Good and Evil.

Eve lost the first battle for the mind.

We can win and keep on winning the battles in our mind as we have the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

Pray, pray for our powerful God to cast away Satan from filling our mind with evil, and for him to stop attacking our mind, playing our minds by making evil seem good.

Ask Him for strength and power to do so.

In the name of Jesus Christ.

Amen.

Philippians 3:7-9
But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith ... (NKJV)

Romans 8:31
If God is for us, who can ever be against us?